(Closed) STDs and Wedding Invite for transgendered person

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
6580 posts
Bee Keeper

I would address it to “M. _____ (insert last name”. His name is Mark, his father is ridiculous. But you want him to get the invitation, so maybe intial and last name will work?

Post # 18
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Wouldn’t it be easier to just telephone Mark and ask him the best way to deal with this? Maybe he’ll be fine with being addressed as Jessica, or maybe he’ll give you another address to email the invite to?

Also, if Mark has moved house several times, presumably he isn’t living with his father. Why would he be living with someone who opposes his life choices? Why does the invite need to go to his father’s address – can’t you just send it to the address that Mark actually lives at?

Post # 20
Member
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Gosh, I feel sorry for Mark that his Dad is in denial and so passive aggressive about it. I’d go with the envelope idea, especially since it seems like Mark understands the realities of this f-ed up situation with his dad and the mail.

Post # 21
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Can they be sent to Mark’s work? A trusted neighbor?

Post # 23
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry, not to seem bitchy, but this seems to me like there are many easy fixes but you seem to be looking to complicate it?  Try these:

1/ Just send him an evite and give him the STD/invite when you next see him

2/Send it direct to a post office near him and have them hold for pick up, they WILL do that!

3/ Courier it to his workplace or school, or if he doesn’t work/go to school, again, courier it to a depot and have them hold it for pick up

4/ Just tell him when the wedding is, and let him know you will give him the invite when you next see him or he moves out of his dad’s place.

5/ Or as all the PP’s have suggested.  Address it to Jessica, let him know why you’ve done it (sorry, but do you REALLY have to TELL him why if he knows his dad tosses his mail?) and leave it at that.

6/ Tell him to get a PO box somewhere (which I don’t know why he wouldn’t have already looked into if his dad messes with his mail?).  UPS offers them as do thepost offices, and several other independant sources

I sincerely hope you find a solution, because all this stress over such a tiny easily remedied situation is going to burn you out!  I am sure you have bigger things to stress about than his mailbox issues with his dad!

ANd I agree with PP’s, his dad needs to grow the F up!

Post # 24
Member
4145 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@BetterSherm:  Envelope seems to be the best bet. Doesn’t sound like he is going to mind this at all and would probably appreciate that you at least put Mark on the inside. 

 

or.. if his girlfriend is also invited? Just send ALL there!

Post # 26
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d address it to Mark. Tell Mark to be on the look out for it but give him the date just in case his dad throws it away.

Post # 27
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@BetterSherm:  I guess with all the short posts adding info as things came up, its hard to assimilate all the info on the situation and offer solutions.  Just seemed like you were deapairing on a hopeless casue, when from the info shared, there should be an easy solution…

I’m still confused on the complexity of the whole thing, but I really do hope you find  solution!

Post # 28
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Geez, I hope poor Mark gets out of his father’s house – that cannot be positive in any way!

Post # 29
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

When I go to pick up mail at the post office I have to show photo ID, it’s probably the same in the US, so if his legal name is Jessica you might not be able to send it there.

Outside envelope or send them to his GF’s house are my votes.

Someone in my family is transgendered and the dad is having the hardest time adjusting, I think it takes dads longer in general than other family members, I don’t know why. I hope it gets better soon.

Post # 31
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Why not say The __________ Family. They still have the same last name i would think and nether one would get offended and it won’t end up in the trash

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