(Closed) STD's before the ring? HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsRobertson2015:  You don’t have to have a ring to be engaged. You and your man need to decide if you are “officially engaged”. If you are, then plan all you want. If people ask you where your ring is- THEY are the materialistic ones. I have a couple cousins who didn’t think engagement rings were important and only have wedding rings. 

Post # 4
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Wait until the ring. Then you can announce the “official” engagement and tell the proposal story, and send the STD. Those Save-The-Date Cards will be your guests advance notice to plan right there. Wait until later to send the invites. They WILL get lost by guests otherwise.

ETA: That’s not to say you’re not officially engaged because you don’t have a ring. Don’t take it that way. I just think that it’s incredibly early to send out invites.

Post # 5
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think that would upset me in any way to receive the STD before you got the ring. Honestly, I would just take it as sort of an engagement announcement. Since you are both actively planning your wedding and have a date I think it’s safe to assume that you are engaged even though he hasn’t officially asked yet. The ring doesn’t make the engagement. It could just as easily been off getting sized during that time!

Post # 6
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think you should get the STD’s printed and have them ready to mail as soon as you are ‘officially’ engaged and have announced it to your family/friends/social media etc..


I’d raise an eyebrow at someone sending me a STD before they are officially engaged.

Post # 7
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsRobertson2015:  You dont need a ring to be engaged. We told our family and close friends that we had become engaged before I had a “ring” or before my Fiance got down on one knee and actaully asked me. He knew it was going to happen. He just figured it was easier for me to get a head start on things, which is was really helpful for me. Then a couple of months later he actaully asked me.

You do what you think is best for the two of you. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. It’s YOUR life.

Good for you and Congrats on what’s to come! 🙂

Post # 8
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You don’t have to have a ring to be engaged, I was engaged for 6 months before we got the ring.

If you have picked a date and paid a deposit on a venue you can get started on things without having a ring.  I think you are planning on sending everything out really soon, even for a destination wedding.  I think dave the dates around 1 year and invites around 4-6 months is sufficient.  I meant to get my save the dates out in October this year, but I got sick and lazy and still haven’t done it.

Post # 11
4056 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Send out the STD as soon as you are officially engaged. DO NOT send out the actual invite until 3 months or so before the wedding. If you send them out a year in advance, people won’t know yet it they can attend.

Post # 12
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would send the Save-The-Date Cards at the one year mark. You can’t even book flights more than 10 months out, and then send the invites at the 6 month mark. The one year mark will give them time to start saving, and the 6 month mark is plenty of time to book flights and hotels.

And you don’t need a ring to plan the wedding or send out save the dates. However, don’t claim you “aren’t engaged” because you are. You are planning a wedding. You can wait to formally use the F word and announce it publically, but you are engaged.

Post # 15
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i would just wait…..no one can really plan a year out anways (flights arent up till 10months out)


have them printed and send out once its official

Post # 16
10292 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You don’t need a ring to be officially engaged. The fact that you have agreed to be married is what makes it real. 

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