(Closed) STDs, friends, and their Significant Others

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I had a few friends in similar situations, and your right, if it is just “Jessica” she will prob ask you “is he invited” so to avoid all the ques, I would address it to Jessica & Norman. This is what I did with mine, and even when a friend broke up with her long term bf, she clearly knew that since he was invited, that she could bring another guest in his place, so no need to ask after the fact.

Post # 4
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I only had a few cases like this, but I just addressed it to Jennifer. On the actual invites, I’m going to put Jennifer and Norman. Mostly the difference for me is that the invite will be so much closer to the wedding, so if they break up, Norman’s name won’t be on her invite.

Post # 5
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I had a couple people who were in very serious relationships (several years) but not living together, so for them I invited “Jessica and Norman.”  For everyone in relationships for less than a year, I just invited my friend.  I figured by the time invitations went out (six months later), I’d know if I should invite both people or just one.  I had one friend ask me if she would be able to bring her girlfriend, and I told her that when it came time to send invitations, if she wanted to bring her I’d put her on the invite.

I definitely wouldn’t write “and guest” on save-the-dates, because you never know who’s going to break up and then just bring some random person.

Post # 6
1124 posts
Bumble bee

I’d just address it to Jessica. Relationships can fizzle and you don’t want a friend’s ex to think it would still be appropriate for them to show up… awkward. When they get the invite they’ll have a plus one, so if they aren’t still dating Norman they can bring a friend or their mom or whatever.

Post # 7
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i don’t think i had any guests in long-term relationships that don’t live together, now that i think about it. for people in short-term relationships, i just addressed it to my friend, then i called them and said that they can bring a guest (they’ll be travelling, so i wanted to make sure they knew that as they make travel arrangements). if they’re still in the relationship, i’ll put their so’s name on the invite.

Post # 8
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would just send the STD to the friend. Atleast that’s what we did. My step cousins (who I don’t particularly like but am forced to invite) were sent STD’s with just their names on them regardless if they are in relationships. One of them does live with her boyfriend but I don’t even know his name so I just addressed it to her. As long as these friends (or in my case, annoying step cousins) get +1’s for the actual wedding, I don’t think it’s a big deal.  

Post # 9
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I made my STDS a little less formal and just addressed it to the person if they were in a relationship or whatever. When I send the invitations in several months, depending on the status, I will include “and guest” I haven’t gotten any questions from people asking if they can bring a guest and I sent my Save-The-Date Cards over a month ago. Hope this helps!

Post # 10
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think that a big fact here is that she’s a bridesmaid. I feel the bridal party should always get +1’s so go ahead and put Jessica + Norman on the STD. If anything changes you can cross that bridge when you get to it, but as it is now let her know her man will be able to come.

Post # 11
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Since its just the Save-The-Date Cards I would say only send it to your friend. Then she will get an invitation that can say Norman’s name on it. That’s how we did it – unless it was a couple living together or already engaged

Post # 12
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I addressed it to both if they lived together/were engaged/were married. Just the friend if they didn’t live together; you can figure that stuff out later. If they ask, just tell them you plan to invite the SO, but you just addressed the STD to your friend. I can’t imagine anyone being offended by that. 🙂

Post # 13
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I actually went through this same thing yesterday when addressing all my Save-The-Date Cards. I called my planner about this because I was so confused and she said because these are so informal, you really only have to address Jessica and can add their SO if you want to. I did a little of both with mine. For some couples that have been together a while, out of courtesy I did Jessica and Norman and for others, I just did Jessica if they weren’t dating anyone in particular or it wasn’t serious. No need for the Jessica and Guest on the Save-The-Date Cards. Things can change and people know Save-The-Date Cards are the informal cute reminder so just wait until then to figure out the Jessica and Guest or Jessica and Norman thing.

Post # 14
4582 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

For long term couples not living together, I put both names on the Save the Date, just to make it clear and avoid any confusion. I put each name on a separate line:

Jane Smith

John Doe

Post # 15
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I addressed mine to friend + significant other, recognizing that some relationships may end before the wedding. (Actually one of my bridesmaids was dumped just a couple hours after my Fiance sent out our Save-The-Date Cards so she got a STD with his name on it just a couple days after the breakup…ouch). If Jessica and Norman break up, send the real invitation to just Jessica and you should be fine.

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