(Closed) Stealing my Thunder?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@love108:  +1 I’m not sure what the “thunder” is. It is a wedding and they are 5 months apart.

Post # 18
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@ahbsbee:  Those people are being ridiculous and petty as is the entire notion of “thunder stealing.” 

The truth is – no one’s engagement, wedding, baby, house, whatever, is nearly as exciting for anyone else as it is for them.  Someone else doing the same thing in the same year does not diminish the fact that you are doing it too.  People can be happy and excited for more than one person at a time.




I assume you and your brother are similar in age as are your circle of friends.  Can you imaging if no one could get engaged or married in the same year as anyone else?  Shame on those people for trying to stir up trouble between you and your brother.  Your brother was not obligated to put his life or engagement on hold just because you were proposed to first. 

ETA:  I just wanted to add that I think anyone who actively tries to “upstage” anyone else really isn’t mature enough to get married.  If you view your engagement or wedding as some sort of competition…that’s just ridiculous and sad.  

Post # 19
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Unless you were both planning the wedding for the same weekend- then no.

Post # 20
2755 posts
Sugar bee

The thing about marriage (and babies, graduations, etc.) is that it FEELS like the most important event in the world to you because it is happening to you… but to everyone else, it’s just not that monumental. Getting married isn’t some super unique event. Most adults do it at least once. It’s a cultural expectation, as common as a birthday or a high school graduation. Yes, it is meaningful and people who come to your event usually are very excited the day of – but the whole idea of thunder to be stolen or your event being diminished because someone you are close to is also having the same milestone occur within a close time period is just… absurd.

Everyone gets married. You can’t expect people to give you a wide berth and put their lives on hold because you’re doing something *most* people do at least once. And the whole idea of “well, you can just one-up her and then you’ll win the prize and be the most special snowflake princess!” makes me laugh.

Her wedding will be beautiful. So will yours. By the time yours happens people will have completely forgotten about hers (and the same would be true if your wedding was first).

Post # 21
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your brother did nothing wrong. Your weddings are months apart, and there shouldn’t be a competition of who gets married first. The important thing is you’re both marrying someone you love at a time that is right for you.

Post # 22
123 posts
Blushing bee

They can only steal your thunder if you give them that power.

Enjoy your day and let your brother and his fiancee enjoy theirs.  There is plenty of joy to go around.


Post # 24
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Let it go. Who cares who’s getting married first? It’s not stealing your thunder and both of you will ultimately be married. You had three months of your engagement to glow in the spotlight; think of this period as both of you getting to work together on your weddings. It’s cool to be experiencing a life event at the same time as people you love. Whenever you want to roll your eyes about something wedding related, you’re going to have an audience of people who have been there, done that recently as well.

A friend of ours was engaged after dating his Long distance girlfriend of 6 months in October 2011 (and they are getting married this weekend – April 2013). Meanwhile, my husband and I started dating in October 2008, were engaged June 2012, and were married March 2013. The ugliness that popped up should have humiliated our friend.

We chose our wedding date because we didn’t want a long engagement – at our ages and after being together for more than 4 years, we were tired. My sister-in-law was going to be three-months post delivery, which was ideal. And it the deals were great for a March wedding.

But our friend had to make so many comments about it. All he could ever do was on how we were “stealing his thunder” (we had no guests in common at our respective weddings). When I attended their bridal shower, he even had to comment on this while they were opening our gift! I am not a person to talk much about my wedding, but he and his fiance blabbed about theirs constantly. I was fine with that.

But they took every opportunity they could to bring it up. Finally, I explained our reasons to them. After a few times, the ‘joke’ was no longer funny but a passive-aggressive knock at us. I can’t believe the pettiness out in general society. We had friends who honestly believed we were getting married in March to ‘beat’ our friend. What is there to beat? Our respective marriages have nothing to do with each other.

It’s an ugly side to show. Life goes on – for everyone! I can’t imagine if everyone timed their pregnancies so as to ‘avoid’ being pregnant at the same time as someone else and ‘stealing their thunder.’ The same goes for marriages, engagements and so on. Unless they’re proposing at your wedding (tacky!) or they’re stealing your proposal idea (also tacky), I just don’t see the harm.

You have to focus on the positives in this or it’s going to eat you alive. You wanted to finish university before getting married – and I’m sure your brother has his own reasons for having a short engagement.

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