(Closed) stealing thunder?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

honestly, I don’t think that their wedding will take anything away from yours.  If anything, this will give you a chance to "test drive" things. You know, see what works and what doesn’t, see what, (if anything), can go wrong, and make the appropriate adjustments for your own big day.  Just focus on your special day and don’t give them too much though.

Post # 4
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I can empathize.  We got engaged at the end of July.  Since then, I’ve had three, very close friends get engaged along with one of my best friends who has pretty much told her bf that if he doesn’t propose by Christmas, there’s going to be some hell to pay.  So there will be 4-5 weddings next year including my own in our circle of friends.  What’s crazy is that we’re all around the age of 35, so clearly the thirties are the new twenties, ha.

Now there is a distinct possibility that two of them will get married a couple of weeks before we do.  I freaked a little bit, I’m not above admitting that.  I said the things like, why can’t this just be our time, why now do we have to share our spotlight. 

But then I realized, the spotlight is not the wedding day, that’s just a formality and the real spotlight is our love.  And believe me, that light shines bright and can never be overshadowed.  Sounds kinda hokey, and you may be rolling your eyes but it helped me to put it into perspective.  Plus, it is what it is.  Stewing about it just takes the magic away from your moment and your process.  But I can say this now because I have a few weeks into the situation, I would have probably had a different tone if you talked to me the day that I found out two of them were thinking the same month as us.  😉

Cheers to love!

Post # 5
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I could talk about similar experiences I had (e.g. my sister annocing she was prego at my wedding ), but at the end of the day their wedding won’t take away from your day.  If anything since their wedding will be first (if it doesn’t get cancelled like the first time he was engaged) you will for sure have a better wedding.  You’ll see all the things that went wrong at theirs and improve it for yours.  Then, if anything people will compare their wedding to yours, lol.

Post # 6
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

I can see how this situation would be annoying but on the plus side you can probably re-use many things from their wedding and save a fair amount of money!  All the vases etc from centerpieces and anything else they happen to purchase

Post # 7
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I completely understand your frustration.  A "close friend" of mine got engaged a month after me to a guy she’d known for 3 months and decided to plan her wedding the WEEKEND BEFORE MINE. Not only can I not attend hers, but she’s inviting some of the same people who will now have to travel a great distance for her wedding and a moderate distance for mine the following weekend.  We are no longer friends because of her insensitivity towards my feelings, not even asking if it would be ok with me ahead of time, and because she had no good reason to pick that date other than to try an upstage me.

I think that for you, because it’s family, you just have to swallow your feelings and let it go.  They may have thought that a month and a half would be plenty of time in between the weddings and that it wouldn’t be an issue at all.  Luckily, if anything goes wrong at their wedding, you can use that experience to make sure the same doesn’t happen at yours.  I think that all weddings are different, and the day of your wedding, you will feel blissfully happy because you are marrying the man who is perfect for you and nothing else will matter 🙂

 

Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

there are so many reasons and factors that go into choosing a date – maybe it’s more convenient to take off from work during a specific time, they wanted to coincide with a special date, their venue happened to available on that date because there was a cancellation, etc.  i think 1.5 months is enough of a gap that their wedding won’t be too close to yours or overshadow yours.  if it was the week before your wedding (or the same weekend as your wedding!), then it would seem like they were really being inconsiderate and rude.  but there is enough of a gap that people won’t be totally ‘wedding-ed" out.

don’t let anything take away from your happiness of being engaged and in love and about to marry the love of your life!  enjoy your time and don’t worry about the little things you can’t control. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I hear ya girl!  I’d be worried, too, but the great thing is that only his family will be attending both weddings, right?  On YOUR day, your friends and family will be there to celebrate your marriage… it will be totally different.  Like the other ladies said, learn from their mistakes.  Also, in a way, It’s almost better that the wedding is over with before yours – all attention can be on you for that last month and a half!

Post # 10
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Just out of curiousity – have you talked to your fiance’s brother as to why they chose that particular date?  I’m wondering if there’s a reason why they chose that month, etc.

If I was in your situation, I’d feel like thunder is being stolen – however, I agree with the rest of the Bees – your wedding will have less pressure from the families, because the initial stress may be placed on his brother.  And at least you’d see know how they organized their big day so you can definitely have a different and more original wedding 1.5 months later.  

 Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I can somewhat sympathize with sarakat28, in that I was engaged for a year and a half when a good friend of mine got engaged and set their date a week before mine.  Was I bummed?  Sure.  But did the fact that their wedding was a week before mine make mine any less special?  Not a chance.

I understand feeling a bit disappointed, but really, you are not entitled to a few months for "wedding thunder." I don’t know how we brides get off thinking that we are entitled to undivided attention for months on end, just because we will be getting married soon.  Is the fact that your fiance’s brother will be married on your wedding day really going to have that much impact on your wedding day?  I would guess that it doesn’t.  Try to think of it as 1) a test run for you wedding day, you can figure out what worked well and what didn’t work so well or as 2) a bonding experience between you and your extended family. 

In the end, I wouldn’t make a huge deal out of this.  You don’t want to start off by riling up people in his family, and really, you are going to have bigger things to worry about than the date of someone else’s wedding.

Good luck with the rest of your planning!

Post # 13
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m glad you feel better about it now. Enjoy the next couple of months and have a great wedding!

 

Post # 14
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You have been planning longer, your wedding will out shine his completely.  Dont let anything spoil your big day!!!!  In the ended as long as you are married to the love of your life its going to be your day and your time. 

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