(Closed) stealing thunder and postponed engagements (sorry long)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@trainergirl:  I’m probably going to have the unpopular vote and say, why wait?  I never understood this whole “stolen thunder” concept, are people really that needy for attention?  Your relationship has nothing to do with their relationship, why should it matter?  It’s not like you’re planning on having your wedding on the same day or proposing at her wedding. 

Post # 4
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I say don’t put off your engagement! It’s his cousin, not even his brother or sister. They had their day, and you will get yours. Don’t let them affect your happiness.

Post # 5
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with everyone else. Why are you waiting? It’s YOUR life, YOUR relationship. He should have proposed whenever he wanted to.

Post # 6
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t understand the “stealing thunder” notion.  A friend and I got engaged on the same day and we didn’t view it as one of us upstaging the other– it was a reason to celebrate together.

Your happiness does not diminish theirs.  Don’t let them dictate your life.

ETA: I did just remember the two times I thought someone was “stealing thunder.”  First: one of DH’s friends was getting married– another one of their friends proposed the night before the wedding and the woman wore the ring to the ceremony/reception and was talking about the proposal.  Second: one of DH’s friends was getting married and one of the GMs asked the DJ to dedicate a song to his wife at the reception.

You aren’t doing either of those things.

Post # 7
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I do not think it’s appropriate to ask you guys to wait. My engagement period was shared with two cousins (one on each side of my family). Granted, there was quite a bit of time in between proposals (cousin 1 and I had about 5 months separation, cousin 2 and I had about 7 months). Heck, I even had a cousin get engaged after me and have his wedding before mine. I was a little bummed that they had theirs before ours, but in hindsight, it wasn’t a big deal at all. Plus, it was nice to be able to talk to my cousins, knowing they were going through the planning stress just like me!

  You could always respond with, “Okay, we’ll wait, but we want them to wait a minimum of 5 months after our wedding to get married.” 🙂 Okay, that’s slightly snarky of me.

  I just remembered…I even had a friend and her sibling get engaged 3 weeks apart! They were completely fine with it. I think everyone worries about thunder stealing (I was guilty of this, too), but in reality…there’s enough joy to go around.

Post # 8
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

My cousin proposed to his girlfriend exactly one week after my Fiance & I got engaged, in a very similar way to the way my Fiance proposed to me. I’m ecstatic for them, because I know that they have been together longer then my Fiance & I have been together. We were respectful & picked dates that weren’t near each other — they’re getting married this fall, we’re getting married the following spring. Honestly, it’s nice having someone else who is engaged at the same time, you can share ideas with each other & it’s interesting to see just how different your dream weddings are from each other. I don’t see any reason to wait as long as you’re respectful about the decisions you make — ie. don’t plan a wedding in the same month, don’t plan on getting married at the same location, & don’t use their color scheme. Good luck!

Post # 9
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I say don’t wait. You really don’t need some long story to justify why you’re getting engaged at this time. All you need is, “we love each other and we want to get married”.  If you saw that they were getting engaged and decided you just had to have a ring right now then it would be different, I say “thunder stealer”, if there is even such a thing. But if the ring was already in the works and ordered before you honestly knew anything about his cousins plans then go ahead. If you did know and tried to fit it in before them and failed then I’d say wait. 

Now you have the issue of picking dates. Just know your weddings might end up being close to each others. That’s what happens when engagments are close. Maybe if they’re going to have a spring wedding you should have a fall one, so as to give some time between. Space things out as much as possible but it’s not always possible. 

Post # 10
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It would be ridiculous of anyone to expect you to wait til May!  Maybe a week or two if you particularly want to be super considerate – but I’d go for it whenever.

Post # 11
1865 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I say, it’s a cousin, go ahead and get engaged.  If it was a close siblings, maybe not, but a cousin, you should be fine.  


In our case, Darling Husband had planned a proposal for 3/31.  He had all of the plans set in Feb and had plans to talk to my parents right after we got back from a missions trip.  But, while we were on the missions trip, his cousin (who was only 16) attempted suicide and wound up on life support.  He died the day we got home. The memorial service was planned for 3/31.  

Darling Husband did not propose that day, out of respect for his cousin’s death.  He waited until 4/19. 

Post # 12
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@trainergirl:  why in the world do they need 5 month to bask in engagement glory??? Go ahead and do what is right for your relationship and don’t ask for anyone’s input it share anything until your are actually engaged. Too many opinions. 

Post # 14
11422 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with prior posters.  To me, when your SO’s cousin announced his engagement is comPLETEly irrelevent to when you announce yours.  Unless the cousin proposed at a family event the same night your SO had planned to do the exact same thing, I do not really understand why there would be any issue at all. 

Post # 15
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, just go get engaged, you crazy kids! The weekend that Dear Fiance and I got engaged while on vacation, another couple friend of ours did a surprise to everyone elopement while on their vacation (ha!), and another friend gave birth. There was no thunder stealing from anyone.


Post # 16
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m on the ‘why wait’ train. My cousin got engaged just after me, and I was really excited for her! Thunder-schmunder. Enjoy your engagement, AND his cousin’s engagenemt.

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