Step brother not invited

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
403 posts
Helper bee

You need to step up and announce that your son will be at the wedding. Just because they assumed he had to work, is ridiculous. People can get time off work for weddings.If your son has a disability  (no matter how old) he may need an advocate. Don’t ask your husband, tell him.

Post # 32
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 33
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

crackerjax :  the thing is ettiquette wise in a case like this (if its real) the couple should of invited him HOWEVER under no circumstance can you invite yourself to a wedding

rudeness does not beget rudeness… their choice is to either talk to their sons and hopefully sort it out or to simply not attend there is no option of ‘demand and do what you want regardless’

Post # 35
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The bride/groom are oligated to invite spouses (or fiances, etc) of guests.  Not kids.  You say you have been together for 13 years and your son in 32.  So it sounds to me that the brothers did not grow up together.   I am sorry about your son’s disability, and I hope that is not the cause of this.  If so, your Darling Husband should speak to his son.  His son may view things differently than you.  He may not regard his stepbrother as a brother, may think he always had to come first, whatever. 

Post # 36
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kimsplace :  How old is the groom, and how long did the groom and your son share a house, and was it full or part time? And does the disability make your son dependent on you? Those affect whether an invitation is appropriate.

So if the groom never shared a house, or only did for a very short time 13 years ago, then I can understand. My parents remarried when I was an adult, and I have zero relationship with my stepparents’ adult children, and never invite them to anything.

On the other hand, if the groom is younger and shared a house for a few years, it’s pretty harsh. Also, if the nature of the disability means your son is dependent on you, it’s also pretty harsh to exclude him. 

Post # 37
8317 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

kimsplace : 

I feel for your situation OP , but you are so defensive and your posts , frankly, so difficult  to understand  that it is hard for us to respond properly.   

Perhaps if you and/or your husband were to approach the invitation sender(s) and ask outright if there has been an error, as your son will be so hurt if he really is not invited.  Ask them to actually confirm   that he is not and will not  be invited. If he isn’t,  then tell them you will  be sending a ‘will not be  attending ‘ RSVP reply on those grounds . 

Post # 39
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

In my own limited experience, I can say that my brother is 39 and lives with our parents.  He, too, is disabled.  But then, so is my fiance.  People get by.  My parents are also not young and it’s good for my mother to have someone with a strong back around.  That said, since he lives with my parents, has always lived with my parents, and will live with my parents for as long as there are my parents, he’s usually included in family invites just like when we were kids.  You invite the parent squirrels, you invite the whole brood.  (Um, I didn’t realize adult-only weddings were things until I was in college.  Everyone brought the whole squirrely scurry.  It’s just what was done.)

Maybe, if the groom has realized there is no conflict as he initially believed, he’s embarrassed now?  Maybe the whole thing can be smoothed over with no more ruffled feathers with an innocent gloss of your son’s invitation being assumed part of your own invitation?  It sounds like poor communication all around, hopefully with no intentional slights, and if so, it can be fixed without any added drama.

Post # 40
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

 Deleted due to extra info given while I was writing


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