Post # 1
Here’s the messy situation:
I’ve never been a huge fan of my step-brother; he’s always been mean to me, rude to my mother, in trouble with the law, and basically uses any time he sees me (once a year at holidays) as an excuse to insult me or belittle me, despite any successes in my life.
He got his now-girlfriend pregnant after she seperated from her husband, and she’s still married to her ex. Honestly, I don’t want them there. More specifically, him there. I don’t actually mind her that much.
My mother even said she doesn’t want him there, but I simply cannot justify not inviting my step-brother. It would really hurt my step-dad if we didn’t at least invite him, and I love my step-dad.
Our venue caps at 30 people, and we are at max capacity already. We’ve made a point to only invite immediate family, and extended family with whom we are very close. Would it be TERRIBLE to not invite his girlfriend (saying it’s a very intimate wedding, low-key, most people aren’t invited anyway)? My thinking is I would invite only him, and he probably won’t want to come alone, so then he just wouldn’t come.
Is that too terrible to even consider? I feel bad, but my fiance doesn’t like him, I don’t like him, and he always causes drama.
Post # 3
I don’t think its terrible. I’m actually not even inviting my step-sister. I don’t even care if it hurts my stepmother. She and my dad need to look at the situation and realize in the 20 years they’ve been married, my stepsister has barely spoken a word to me, completely ignored me for entire weekends when i’d visit, and when she would speak to me she was rude. We are pretty much strangers whose parents happen to be married to one another.
I am also having an intimiate wedding and it would be beyond uncomfortable to have my stepsister there. Also the few times my stepsister has been around my mother (her stepdad’s exwife) she has been extremely rude to my mom, and i am not putting my mom in an even more uncomfortable situation. I don’t know yet how my stepmother will react to her daughter not being invited. But its not like there’s any relationship to save.
I want my wedding to be only those i am close to. I am not close to my stepmother at all, but she as my dad’s wife has to be invited cause they are a long time married couple. But I drew the line at my stepmother. I wasn’t going to invite any more relatives just cause of their “title” such as stepsister. If I don’t have a close relationship with them, they aren’t invited.
I think with an intimiate wedding you can invite and not invite those you want. When you have a bigger wedding and invite all siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, it would be more of a slight to not invite 1 cousin or 1 sibling. But intimiate weddings are for those you are closest to. If you aren’t close to stepbrother’s girlfriend or even your stepbrother, i see nothing wrong with not inviting them.
Post # 4
Don’t invite him. If he’s always made you feel like shit, you don’t need that near you on your wedding day.
Post # 5
@BeeandBeeBride27: I wouldn’t invite him at all.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t purposely leave out the girlfriend, I would just not invite either of them.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
She may be your future sister-in-law, and will most certainly be the mother of your future neice/nephew. Do you really want to poison that relationship with a wedding invitation snub?
Post # 8
I agree with PPs that you shouldn’t invite either of them at all. Don’t cause more drama than you have to. If you liked him and hated her, that would be different, but I don’t see any reason why he needs to be at your wedding.
Post # 9
@Allie99: Thank you for this; I couldn’t agree more. If it were a big wedding I feel like it would be more of an insult, but because it is so intimate (literally, we aren’t even inviting our best friends) it would make me uncomfortable having his negativity there. If anything, he would use the small crowd to his advantage and start “ranting” (as he often does at family events) about ridiculous things. No. Just no.
Thanks, and I really am just considering not inviting him altogether. My mom said that’s what I should do. But I know that would crush my step-dad, and he really has raised me like his own. I think I can get away with not inviting baby-momma, but it will be harder to get out of inviting him…hmm. *wheels turning*
Post # 10
If you’re inviting him you should invite her IMO. Don’t invite him and that solves the problem. But if it would really hurt your step-father I would suck it up and invite them both.
Post # 11
@lovekiss: That’s the thing, though. She’s still married to her ex (and isn’t actively working towards the divorce for some reason). And even if they did get married, this is not a step-brother that I’ve even been close to. We see each other once a year (if that) and the encounters are always somewhat painful. I don’t see myself ever forming a close relationship with either of them, to be honest. With such a small wedding, it’s hard for me to say “I’m not inviting any of my aunts/uncles, friends, or many other people who mean a lot to me. But rude step-brother and baby momma, yeah, they’re welcome to join us.” …it just doesn’t feel right.
Post # 12
Truthfully, you can invite whomever you please.
You are obliged to no one.
BUT if it would keep the peace in the family to invite him, then I think you need to do so.
As for the Girlfriend, well I take it based on their status (pregnant, presumably living together) they are a social unit within your family circle.
So as He (and by extension her) are family… they should be invited as a two-some.
— — —-
It is times like these when we learn to take deep breaths !!
As they say, you can choose your friends, you can’t really do the same when it comes to family.
(( HUGS ))
Post # 13
Don’t invite them. If your step-dad has a problem with it, that’s his issue. Not yours. Even your mom is on board with it. He can deal.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I think you either invite them both or neither of them.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t invite him. Especially since it’s such an intimate affair. I didn’t invite one of my Uncle’s to my wedding because he was atrocious to my mom when my parents got divorced and I didn’t want him there. period. My dad completely understood and it was never an issue. I haven’t even seen him in years and if you only see your step-brother once a year, I think you would be o.k. just not inviting him. Hey, space is very limited!
Post # 16
@BeeandBeeBride27: If they’re not married or living together, send the invitation to him only. I doubt he’d come either way but no plus one should help.