Step dad not happy

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
10246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

He’s being an emotionally manipulative asshole. What you do, is not give into him. You have nothing to apologize and you are not responsible for catering to his ego.

I absolutely cannot stand people who behave this way. It’s not how you treat people you care about and is incredibly selfish.

Post # 3
Member
7641 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It must be hard to hear the person you’ve helped raise and thought of as your own child does not see you the same way. He sees it as you thinking of him as “not your real dad”, which, while may be true, is still hurtful to someone who spent countless hours of time and effort in your life. 

So, that said, while he might be allowed to be hurt, he is acting like a total child. He blew this WAY out of proportion and while I might have considered a different approach had he been rational, I would not give in to his behaviour now. I would stick to your plan and repeat something like “I’m sorry you feel that way. I would still love for you to give a speech, but I understand if you don’t want to”. Hopefully once he cools off he will realize what a fucking asshole he is being and snap out of it. 

Post # 4
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Has your mom reamed him a new one yet?

Post # 5
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Before this did you think about walking both dads down. That is what my cousin did with her step dad and birth dad. There wasn’t any drama.

Post # 6
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Ummm. Step dad is being an emotionally manipulative douche. Who says that to someone they love!? I mean really think about that

Post # 7
Member
1764 posts
Buzzing bee

I think there has to be more to this story than you’re telling us- why does your stepdad hate your dad? Did your dad not pay child support, was he not involved in raising you? Did he beat your mom?

Post # 8
Member
7326 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
constable3 :  Was your bio dad a regular fixture in your life growing up and did he also provide financial support? If so, your step dad’s response seems quite over the top and dramatic. If not, it’s a bit easier to understand how he may feel this is a big slap in the face. What does your mother have to say about this?

 

Post # 9
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  Totally this! Stepdad probably assumed he would be walking you down the aisle, and now that he isn’t he has thrown his toys out of the cot. I don’t see this as “emotionally manipulating” but more a case of a man having a tantrum. 

Give him some time to cool off, and broach the subject again. You could have them both walk you, though. Honestly it always makes me sad seeing long-term step-parents being put aside for bio parents in weddings, especially when step-parent and step-child are close. Leaving him out is mean, IMO. 

Post # 11
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think your attempt at a compromise by offering one the walk and one the speech was a great idea. I’m so sorry he’s being a butt. I would skip trying to reason with him and talk to your mom instead. And I guess I’d just ask if he still wants to give the speech or not. Man, what a turd sandwich all the way around. I’m sorry!

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

You haven’t done anything wrong OP, sounds like your Dad has been in your life, so no reason to exclude him on that basis. You could just as easily have picked your Mum, or a sibling, or a grandparent (which lots of brides do in this sort of scenario) or walked with your Fiance, or by yourself, so just because he’s your step-dad doesn’t mean he is automatically the one who walks you down the aisle!

I can understand him being hurt, but kicking off like that and saying you’re no longer his daughter and he never wants to see you again is insane and a completely OTT reaction. Your Mum should be tearing him a new one for that.

Post # 13
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Wow, I’m so sorry your stepdad said that to you and is acting this way. My dad and stepdad do not get along well, but had almost equal time with me since I was 12 years old, and I love them both. My husband and I both had to navigate these relationships with parents and stepparents during the wedding. I ended up having all four of my parents walk me to the aisle, together, and then I walked myself the rest of the way. Both my dad and stepdad gave toasts during the reception. They acted like adults. 

I don’t really have advice for you – he said he never wants to see you again and doesn’t consider you his daughter anymore, which is possibly the most hurtful thing a parent could say. It shouldn’t be up to you to persuade him of your reasoning, as your mother suggested. He is your parent, and he should act like one. I’m so sorry!

Post # 14
Member
568 posts
Busy bee

Maybe once your SD apologizes for being a jerk, you could make sure to do a special dance with him at the reception? I went to a wedding recently and the bio dad did the walking and speech, and the SD had a dad/daughter dance. 

Post # 15
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This will probably upset your Dad, but you could have them both walk you down the aisle. I completely understand your stepdad’s feelings but he has to understand yours as well. You could also dance with both of them separately. 

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