- 6 years ago
This is something that I’ve pondered for quite some time now, and I’m hoping that you Bee’s can help me figure out what to do.
Long story short, my parents divorced when I was 17 (I’m now 26). My Dad and I never really got along throughout my life, he took more to my sister than he did me. I was always close with my mom who has the kindest heart, which comes with emotions. My Dad, however, is more cold and doesn’t really care for the “drama” that having emotions bring. My Dad was always different in his thought process and the way he connected with people, which is fine! Being older, I’ve grown to adapt. He’s never remembered my birthday, so I always call him to remind him on the day that it is in fact my birthday. He doesn’t call anyone in his family, they know that they’ll always have to reach out to him. He’s never really provided structure in our lives, so we only did mediocre in school and he could care less if we skipped class or not or snuck out of the house at night, there were no punishments or confrontations.
After the divorce, my mom met my wonderful Step Dad. My Step Dad, although strict, is funny, caring, and he is always touching base with his kids (he has two daughters, and then me and my 2 sisters as step kids). Since I was 17, he’s remembered every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, heart break, first love, and on top of all of that, he texts/calls every morning just to make sure we’re up and out of bed. He has gotten my life on track in more ways than I can count. I used to be a full time waitress with no insurance or stable income living in their loft, but now I have already purchased my first home, new car, and am in my 3rd year of college. I honestly owe all the credit to my Step Dad, because without him I wouldn’t be thinking of a possible future for myself and probably wouldn’t have met my Fiance. My two biological sisters don’t like him, because when they didn’t have a place to call home, my Step Dad said that if they want to live with us, they would have to either be working full time or go to school (he even offered to help pay for schooling) but they through a hissy fit because they didn’t want to abide by his rules. Which is fine! But don’t hate the man for setting rules in his own house.
With that background being said, I am getting married next October (2016). My Step Dad was there for the engagement, which was on my birthday, and paid for $100 worth of crabs for me and my mom’s family. My Fiance asked HIM for permission to marry me, because my Dad never called my Fiance back (he lives about an hour and a half away, so asking him in person wouldn’t happen without me knowing where he was). When I told my Dad that I was engaged, he laughed and said “enjoy tricare!” (my Fiance is in the Navy) and then said congratulations. My Step Dad is willing to put about 5K towards our wedding since that is what he did with his own daughter’s wedding. My biological Dad has offered nothing, and I don’t even feel comfortable asking if he will be contributing. I don’t mean to sound snobby when I say that, it’s more than nice that my Step Dad is contributing, but a biological father should be excited and eager to help with the only wedding any of his daughter’s will have right (my other two sisters – one got married in a court house with a day’s notice and my little sister is in the Army working to be a doctor – no marriage any time soon)? My Dad is stable in his government job and has little to no debt (he told me this, not assuming) so I was hoping that he would at least say “let me help with an engagement party for our side of the family” or something of that nature…but nothing.
There is that momentous moment at a girls’ wedding when her father walks her down the aisle. My question is, would it be insulting to the entire family if I asked both of my dad’s to walk me down the aisle? By blood, my biological father has the right to do so, but he is neither enthused to do so and he hasn’t been a part of my life since I could even remember. My Step Dad, who has cared so much about me and has stuck his neck out for me on more occassions that I could count, has been a real father figure to me ever since I was 17. What should I do? I want them both to walk me, but I don’t want to step on my own family’s toes.
- This topic was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by becomingsumner.