Post # 1
My step dad has been the “dad” figure in my life since i was about 12. My real dad and my mum divorced my dad would come home drunk all the time and verbally abuse my mum it wasnt much of a marriage my step dad has been the complete opposite so supportive and there through everything. Since my parents split my dad has never remained involved in my life or my sisters life. My brother sees him on the odd occasion at the pub so he is the only one who really talks to him..
Anyway mum let my dad know when i got engaged and i have been struggling to work out what to do about the walking me down the aisle situation. I don’t want my dad to do it as he is basically a stranger to me.. i wouldnt even feel comfortable to call him and just have a chat as he literally is like a stranger to me i cant remember how long ago it was i saw him!
i would love for my step dad to do it but if my real dad is at the wedding i think i have no choice but for my mum to do it instead to avoid tension.. mum had hinted to my brother that seeing as he is the one who still talks to dad that he should mention that i am not having him walk me down the aisle but the way my brother said it to my dad was i was tossing up whether to have him do it or not… my dad got all upset and angry about it because he Hates my step-dad even though he doesnt even know him.. i felt sorry for my brother for having to cop the brunt of his reaction but i had no idea he was going to say anything to him about it.. i didnt want anything said to him at the end of the day i kinda knew i would have to choose my mum anyway as it was too awkward.. mum, my brother and my sister all say i can’t not invite my dad to my wedding but i feel like i am having to sacrifice how i want things to happen on the day because of my dad incase he makes a scene or screws up the day…
I want my step dad to give a speech at the wedding as he knows me well and he knows my fiance
well.. my dad has never even met my fiance but i am scared that my dad will make a scene or interrupt my step dad if he gives a speech.. i just don’t want him there if he is going to ruin the day but at the same time i would feel bad not to invite him..
i don’t understand why my dad is so upset over all of this considering he hasnt been or wanted to be part of my life since i was 12 so why is he all of a sudden turning around and acting like the “dad” he has no right to! Mum has invited him to every milestone in mine and my sisters lives and he has never come to any of them so why all of a sudden is it different now?? I dont think he cares about walking me down the aisle i think he just can’t stand the thought of my step -dad doing it instead of him.. i don’t want this drama!
Post # 3
EXACT SAME SITUATION. My step dad basically became my dad at around 11 years old. I would see my dad maybe once a year for the holidays, but we never call eachother or anything. This was a real struggle for me aswell since I wanted my step dad to be the one walking down the aisle, but I knew my dad would be crushed. So I’m doing a compromise: In a Jewish wedding both parents walk the bride down the aisle, so my mom and my step dad will walk together to half way down the aisle, my step dad will go take his place under the chuppah (alter) and my dad will walk down the aisle and take his place beside my mom, then I will walk out. I know, super complicated. But i’ve seen it done and it’s actually quite sweet. Don’t know what kind of ceremony you are having, but maybe you can work something in that suits everyone… My dad, who frankly doesnt really care usually, was super emotional and flattered when I asked him to be a part of the ceremony (because he assumed he would not be…)
As for the speech, I say let your step dad do it! I would sit down and have a little talk with you dad before the wedding and let him know what it means to you that everything goes off smoothly.
What’s your thoughts on father/daughter dance? I don’t think I will do one at all.
Post # 4
Argh I have the same situation do I decided both my dad and step dad will walk me half way down the isle, then they will hand me to my mum who will finish it and give me away 🙂
All three if them will come in our wedding vehicle with the bridal party do everyone is involved 🙂
Post # 5
@liz.couture: I think i will end up just getting my mum to do it.. don’t know that i want my dad to be anywhere near my step dad lol
No father/daughter dance for me either.. just talking to my dad on the phone once a year (if at all) for my birthday is akward enough let alone having to dance with him!
Yea i want my step dad to give a speech but i dont want my dad getting up and saying anything or cutting off my step dad’s speech to say something out of jealousy towards my step dad.. I don’t want my dad involved in any way.. he can come but that’s it no more than that.. if i had it my way i wish my mum never told my dad i was engaged and i wish i didnt have to invite him to the wedding.. if he found out i could just say we eloped but too late for that after mum told him ughh so frustrating!
even if i did try to involve both my step dad and dad in the walking down the aisle thing i can just see my dad making an issue of what order it happened in or something.. too much drama!
Post # 6
If your Step-Dad is more of a Dad then go with him hun.
My biological mother went from my life when I was 9. She since has been a cause of pain when ever i speak to her but STILL thinks she will be invited to the wedding! HELL NO!
The best advice I can give you is to go with your heart. In the end if you pick someone just to avoid tension you will regret not having what you truely want.
Post # 7
my best friend had both her dad and step dad walk her down the aisle, but she had a good relationship with both. It’s an honor to give the bride away so if he had no real part in raising you I agree that I wouldn’t want him to either. Your mother is totally ok to do but if you feel like you want your step dad to do it then don’t let you dad have anything to do with stopping that.