(Closed) Step-Daughter demands dress or won't be in the Wedding!!

posted 5 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Why do they have to wear the same dress? An 18 year old and a 14 year old are most likely going to have very different styles. Let them pick their own dress in the parameters you chose and call it a day. This isnt a battle worth fighting.

Post # 4
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Bostongrl25:  If I read correctly, they don’t have to wear the same dress- the older girl just won’t pick a dress within the (quite generous) requirements.  

 

I think you should let your Fiance handle this one.  She’s his daughter and any “bad guy” forcing her to wear a different dress type thing should come from him, not you. 

 

Edit: actually, to avoid her thinking that you “tattled” to him and that he’s the one laying down the law, you should probably all three sit down together and talk about it like adults.  She’s acting like a child (heck, I’m only a couple years older than she is!) but she could be resistant to your relationship becoming marriage even though you’ve been together for a long time, so she’s trying to make things difficult.  Just lay it down calmly- you want to keep the wedding informal, you want her to be a part of it, etc etc.  Hopefully she’ll get that this is her opportunity to decide if she wants to be a child or adult. 

Post # 5
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@finallytime:  Oh boy…step kids are neat, aren’t they?  First off, it’s such a kind gesture to include them in your ceremony, I applaud you for that. 

But you’ve got a stand off brewing over a dress and that’s got to get handled…I don’t think just buying them will solve anything, since she’s already threatened to throw a fit and boycott the ceremony, if you don’t bow down to her, now, I never advocate indulging bad behavior but let’s not feed the drama llama, it will just keep coming back for more.

If it were me, and I have wrangled two of the wildest, craziest, nastiest step children god ever put on this Earth into adorable, polite and down right lovely teenagers through diligent work and guerilla parenting….I would try one more time to go shopping, but I would reiterate what I was looking for AND I would bring along one of their favorite aunts or adult friends of the family to equalize and regulate the stream of crap that only an 18 year old girl can generate when she’s decided to be a pain in the ass…don’t tell them who’s coming, just have them be there.

I’ll bet a compliment from this third party on a dress that fits your criteria will go a hell of a lot farther than it will from you, because it’s her job to be a sulky pain in the ass who thinks she’s Cinderella and YOUR job is to fullfill the villainous role of Evil Step Mother in her mind…embrace that…she needs a villian, give it to her.

For the first three years of our marriage, Mr. 99’s kids loved and feared me like some Evil Queen, and while I wasnt really doing anything other than playing into their fantasy that I was some awful woman who made them clean their rooms and say please…I’ll admit, it worked.

Either way, I’m sure it will be fine and your day will be lovely, good luck!

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

She is 18, so age can buy the dress herself. (Or she can pay the difference) or she can not be in the wedding. Family or not you want loving supportive people around you. Not adult-children being divas. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Can you find her an informal longer dress like a maxi dress? Might make her more comfortable and less bitchy. However, if in the end she still wants to threaten to not be in the wedding let her sit on the side lines and watch you and the younger girls have fun. I think that might be a nice wake up call.

Post # 9
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Personally, I would relent and let her wear a long dress if she picked one in your price range. That, or she can pay the price between your budget and her dream dress. Both are good compromises. 

Do you think she may believe that a short dress will make her look more like your daughter’s age? I could see how she would want to go more formal to stand out from the obviously younger sibling. 

Post # 11
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

My advice — pretend the step-daughter is your daughter, and you want her to be happy about being in the wedding and with the dress she wears. Focus on the cost of the dress, not the length — why does it matter if it’s a long dress instead of a short one, if that’s what she wants to wear? As long as the dress is within the budget (and isn’t inappropriate in cut/design) let her choose.

Post # 13
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How about asking the step-daughter if she’d be willing to try on a tea-length dress? It’s still short, but not TOO short, and also not formal (usually). Some example links:

 

http://www.nextprom.com/content/images/thumbs/0000405_purple_short_bridesmaid_dresses_purple_tea_length_bridesmaid_dresses.jpeg

 

http://utahstreetlabs-production.s3.amazonaws.com/listing_photo/file/632744/large_Bridesmaiddress.JPG

 

http://ddttimdltvo1t.cloudfront.net/upimg/jenjenhouse/m/38/79/17e49c8ccede0a9ae72641137de93879.jpg

Post # 14
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@finallytime:  I would let her buy a long dress within your price limit.You’ve compromised on the length, she compromises on the dress.

When she looks silly dressed more formally than anyone else, including the bride, she might learn a lesson.

Post # 16
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Bostongrl25:  “This isnt a battle worth fighting.”

Absolutely.

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