(Closed) Step Daughter getting better but about to have a set back

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry. I wish I had words of advice, but I don’t. I just wanted to tell you that it is unfair and you have right to be worried/scared/angry/mad etc. I hope that your children will adjust and be ok. I just wish SHE could see what she’s doing and how she’s hurting them. ((((hugs!!!))))

Post # 4
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ughhhh what a horrid woman. Kids are not a convenience item. I really hope that things aren’t that bad when she leaves. I hope she tells the older one that she doesn’t want them and maybe she’ll finally see that she’s pining away for a mother who doesn’t exist.

Post # 6
Member
7524 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Can she just announce when she is going to see them?  If she has visitation is it not “scheduled?”  If she has not been seeing them regularly- why should she get to see them now?  I would just not be home that day.  And if she tries to make a stink about it, well then she has not been around for 4 years- do you think a judge would just let that slide?  I know that might open up a bigger can of worms though. 

Post # 7
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe you could talk to the therapist.  Surely this can’t be a good idea.  If the doctor says it’s not a good idea, i would tell her no.  Maybe you could get some kind of doctor’s note?  I would consider trying to terminate her parental rights.  You don’t want to have to go through this everytime that woman is in the mood to see them.  It’s detrimental to your DD’s mental health and progress. 

Post # 8
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My sister is going through a similar situation with her ex-husband and their girls.  The ex will randomly call or show up at a school event and the kids (especially the older one) don’t WANT to see him.  It’s just messing with their heads and impeding the major progress they’ve made in therapy.  He has no custody or visitation rights, and the therapist has told my sister that SHE is in control, and the best thing for the kids is for him to be out of their lives until they are of age to make their own decisions.  So they don’t see him.  Period.  Not that he asks that often – the last time was 2 Christmases ago.

Anyway, I think that you and your H should not allow her to see them.  They are YOUR kids now, and she doesn’t get to waltz in and fuck everything up just because she feels like it.  I’d get court intervention if necessary, and I agree with pp that you should try to get her to terminate parental rights.

Post # 9
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Omg that’s horrible. I’ve read your other post on your struggles with your Dirty Delete and I’m glad to hear things have gotten better. 

I know their biological mother should be able to see her daughters but honestly it seems like she’ll do more damage than any good. Is there anyway to stop this visit? After a long of time of not seeing them does she legally have any right to see them? 

Theoretically it would be great if the biological mother stuck around long enough to fix things with her daughters. But given her flaky history that’s doubtful. I’m sorry this is happening and I hope it goes well. 

Post # 10
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsTVLover:  I second the idea of contacting the therapist.  They may be able to provide documentation saying that visitation would be detremental to the daughter’s treatment, which could be provided to the mom or to a judge.

Post # 12
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@TexasSpringBride:  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this – right when it sounds like things are getting better!  

I think you’re taking the right steps.  I do think that you may also want to think about redoing the custody agreement – I think your DDs behavior and emotional state would go a long way toward convincing a judge to change things.  Her “mom” should not be able to flit in and out of their lives at will.  Perhaps your husband should seek child support, she wouldn’t pay it, and then you could seek to terminate parental rights.

Post # 13
Hostess
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

@TexasSpringBride:  I just want to give you props for being such a great step mom. Honestly, your posts always inspire me. There are so many who treat step kids as the evil reminders of the ex, and here you are, loving these kids with all your heart. I don’t think it’s fair that she is allowed to do this. She should have a schedule that she either sticks to or does not. As it is, she is creating drama and chaos at the drop of a hat. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

blargh I really don’t like your daughter’s other mom. She sounds so selfish and like she doesn’t think of the consequences of her actions on her children at all. I know you are worried that it will set your daughter back, but try to think that this way, the new team of therapists will be able to see firsthand how the abandonment directly affects her, and maybe that can help them come up with better treatment plans.

Post # 15
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Tell her that she cannot visit then because you will not be available. Then, plan a trip on that date. Seriously, I would do anything possibly to prevent that visit from happening.

At the very least, try to make sure it’s a supervised visit.

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