Post # 1
Hello all, I am of Chinese enthinicity (first generation born in the US in my family), and my fiance is caucasian. I’m trying to think through the order of our tea ceremony, and started wondering if my fiance’s step family should be included in the tea ceremony. We definitely want his step dad to be served tea, but how about his step dad’s family? Meaning my fiance’s step-grandma, step aunts, and step uncles?
Post # 3
Depends on a number of factors…
Is fiance’s dad still in the picture? If so, are those family members included? If so, then I’d say to leave out the step’s family.
If fiance’s dad is not in the picture or deceased, and the associated family is not included in the ceremony, I think there can be an option to include the step family, if you and the fiance so desire.
How do you and your fiance feel about it? Is your fiance close with the family? The first thing to consider if YOUR guys’ guy feelings on those family members.
How does the Chinese side of the family feel about it? Often times, they are the ones who care the most and will have a very strong opinion about it. If you and your fiance don’t have strong feelings either way, it may be wise to go with the Chinese side of the family’s feelings about it, since it’s “their” tradition. I am also first generation Chinese with a Caucasian husband. We considered doing a tea ceremony (but didn’t end up doing it), but the Caucasian side really couldn’t have cared less about whether or not they were included. They would just kind of go along with whatever traditions we had out of respect.
On the other hand, the Chinese side seems to have rules (or make rules up along as they go to suit their needs, in my experience) over what is proper and what is not for a tea ceremony.
Long story short, assess your/fiance’s gut feelings on this, then consider how the Chinese side feels. In my experience, the Caucasian side is just kind of along for the ride, and probably won’t get offended either way. There are no set rules with this (other than the ones that someone might make up along the way!).
Post # 4
@iseapink: Great point! Thank you for the insight. Yes, my fiance’s father is deceased. But he is very close to his father’s side of the family, so they will be included in the tea ceremony. And that side of the family are totally comfortable with his step dad.
Post # 5
@asian_and_engaged: Given that he’s close to his step family and the late father’s family and stepfather get along amicably, include everyone! It would be a nice touch to show his and your appreciation to them.