(Closed) step family in tea ceremony

posted 6 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Depends on a number of factors…

Is fiance’s dad still in the picture? If so, are those family members included? If so, then I’d say to leave out the step’s family.

If fiance’s dad is not in the picture or deceased, and the associated family is not included in the ceremony, I think there can be an option to include the step family, if you and the fiance so desire.

How do you and your fiance feel about it? Is your fiance close with the family? The first thing to consider if YOUR guys’ guy feelings on those family members.

How does the Chinese side of the family feel about it?  Often times, they are the ones who care the most and will have a very strong opinion about it. If you and your fiance don’t have strong feelings either way, it may be wise to go with the Chinese side of the family’s feelings about it, since it’s “their” tradition.  I am also first generation Chinese with a Caucasian husband.  We considered doing a tea ceremony (but didn’t end up doing it), but the Caucasian side really couldn’t have cared less about whether or  not they were included. They would just kind of go along with whatever traditions we had out of respect.

On the other hand, the Chinese side seems to have rules (or make rules up along as they go to suit their needs, in my experience) over what is proper and what is not for a tea ceremony.

Long story short, assess your/fiance’s gut feelings on this, then consider how the Chinese side feels. In my experience, the Caucasian side is just kind of along for the ride, and probably won’t get offended either way. There are no set rules with this (other than the ones that someone might make up along the way!).

Post # 5
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@asian_and_engaged:  Given that he’s close to his step family and the late father’s family and stepfather get along amicably, include everyone! It would be a nice touch to show his and your appreciation to them.

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