Post # 1
So a little bit of background, we live in a small town so everyone know everyone which means that before she was his step mom she was his high school teacher and mine. Her and I did not get along when she was my teacher and same went for my fiancé. So a few months after we started dating we went on our first family camping trip where SMIL got so drunk she called me a bitch in front of his entire family for how I had acted in high school. Second, this woman has extremely firm beliefs in politics and is not shy about talking about it, however fiances family has fairly contradictory political beliefs but no one tells her to shut up because she loves to argue. So here’s the thing, obviously she has to be at the wedding which is a given, however, she has a 21 year old daughter who still lives at home, who I have only ever seen once on Christmas morning (fiancé and I have been together for 3 years), she never comes on camping trips, or to family dinners on the town, she won’t even come up out of her room if it’s just my fiancé and me, plus she will only eat spaghettie and nothing else. I don’t know if I’m just being sour but I have a hard time wrapping my head around inviting someone who I have only seen once. So SMIL texted yesterday to ask if her daughter is invited (wedding is in May 2021) To which I answered she is most welcome! However I am a bit sour because she probably won’t show up which is fine but it’s annoying to plan for someone to come when they probably won’t show. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this one
Post # 2
Since it is only one chair and one plate of food I would invite her… obviously no special meal though! Then when it is time to give the caterer the final number ask your SMIL again if her daughter will definitely be coming and inform her of what the meal will be. Let her then give you an answer based on the fact she won’t eat the meal and she may tell her mom at that time she doesn’t really want to come. Also, more than one person will RSVP yes, and not show. You could just not count on her and if she does come there will be a chair available…. Unless you are doing assigned seating. Then that last part won’t work! Hope you are able to relax and try enjoy the planning part!
Post # 3
As for the stepsister, you said she could come. There really is nothing to handle anymore. She’s now invited to your wedding. As you say, she probably won’t come and even though it’s annoying to pay for a no-show, it’s a drop.in the bucket in terms of overall wedding expenses. Just shrug it off as “annoying family” and forget about it.
As for her calling you a bitch, that’s a whole different thing, but it may be very odd to bring it up now as it occurred a few months after you started dating so presumably quite a while in the past. I’d honestly probably let it go at this point unless name-calling and verbal abuse are parts of her pattern of behavior. It’s not okay, but the time to address it has passed.
Post # 4
Send her an RSVP as you would any other guest. You don’t need to cater to her dietary preferences. Finally, you could have avoided this issue by not inviting your step Mother-In-Law: you didn’t owe her an invite.
Post # 5
You already said that she could come, so that ship has sailed. Just don’t offer spaghetti as a meal option and hopefully she will decline.
Post # 6
I think you did the right thing. She will be your SO’s stepsister despite never seeing her/getting to know her. and even though his step-mom is awful, I don’t think you could get away with not inviting her unless you wanted to cause major family upheaval.
Post # 7
Like… she really will only eat spaghetti?
Post # 8
I mean with a mother like that it’s no wonder the daughter is a bit odd. She may be rude because she was never taught to be polite. I’d be kind to her, you never know what she’s been through with a mother like that.