Step parent issues please help

posted 7 months ago in Family
Post # 76
2152 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Stepmom77:  Ok I’ve been reading your responses and I think you need to be careful because you are missing red flags and dismissing real problems. 

I know you love your fiance, but you keep saying things like “he’s the best dad you know, he’s great with your son” all the while pointing out things that directly conflict with that. If he’s holding your son to a higher standard while refusing to actively parent his own child, then no he isn’t the best dad and he also isn’t great with your son. Unless your son is an idiot he definitely knows that he’s being treated differently by his soon to be step-father and he WILL be upset about that. For some reason you seem to think any criticism means he’s a horrible person and you need to rush to defend him. That’s simply not healthy. 

If you want this marriage to work out, if you want to have a healthy family dynamic, you simply HAVE to learn how to face reality rather than walking around with rose-tinted glasses. It’s ok for things to not be perfect. It’s ok if your fiance is messing up the parenting thing, because together – and hopefully with family counseling – you guys can work out a solution. What is NOT ok is you acting like everything’s probably fine when it isn’t. What isn’t ok is your needing to shield your fiance from his poor parenting at the expense of your own son. That will lead to your own child resenting everyone – including you. That will lead to you resenting your step-daughter and her father. That will lead to arguments and anger and likely a divorce down the line. 

Families, especially blended families, are hard. To succeed you and your fiance both need to be willing to SEE and ADDRESS any problems proactively. Not justify or ignore them. And definitely not blaming children for their parent’s mistakes.  

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