Post # 1
Really looking for some advise.My mum is deceased and my Step mother and i hacve always pretended to get along, as is the same with one of her three daughters ( the other two i genuinely do like :-)) but now i am planning my wedding, things are starting to become a nightmare.
I have decided what i would really like is to just have my MOH’s as my Real sister ad Best Friebd, When i told my dad i was not having my step sisters, he basically said it would cause too many problems and i should have them and he wont back me up on my decision… (great Parents there Daddy!!)
Anywho, i think i have managed to get round this (although i have yet to put my plan into action and so may not work) and ask them to be part of my Bridal Brigade… I.e. They are NOT bridesmaids but do have some involvement on the day. This i hope will be a fair comprimise, but my next issue is that i know my Step mther in all her fakeness is going to moan to my dad if she is not adequately involved. My Finace and I will be paying for the entire wedding ourselves, so in theory we should have complete comtrol, but i already feel like this is going to turn out to be a nightmare and want to run away and do it secretly just the two of us.
Is there anyone out there who can advise me on what they did if they were in a similar situation. Its already going to be hard in parts, as my Mum wont be there, but i dont know if i am just being selfish and should just nod and smile and go along with what is expected of me? At the end of the day, what really matters is that i am MArrying the love of My life, and its not just about one day, but everywhere goes on about it being the most special day of your life… should i be srong and stand up for what i want, or give in, so everyone is happy and have a quiet life??
I know i probably sound like wimp, but i have been having these same fights with my Dad about my step family for 10 years and Im so tired of fighting.
Any Help would be so appreciated, before i give up and run down the registary office in a white maxi dress and flip flops!
Post # 3
@hd5537: As you are an adult, she does not have to be ‘involved’ meaning you are more than capable of doing your wedding by yourself.
There is a way to handling them. Don’t explain yourself unless asked. Just say “I wanted a smaller wedding party but I would love it if you would do xyz with me”. For your Stepmum, if she asks I would say “FI and I are take care of that but I appreciate your concern.”
You do not own them an explanation for anything.
Post # 4
Do no talk about wedding in front of her. If she suggests anything, just say, we have it covered? Do you live with your dad?
Post # 5
@hd5537: It is all your choice and they can cry and moan ALL they want but it is your day! I would offer time to maybe wedding brain storm with them but other than that you don’t and shouldn’t do anything else. Just tell them that if they have a suggestion that you would love to hear it but can’t promise it will be used. As for your bridal party you can explain to them that you are keeping it simple but love that they wanted to help! Just tell them you would rather them be able to relax as guests and enjoy everything your wedding will have to offer.
I am paying for the wedding myself as well and it is great not needing anyone else input! Just be nice and listen to ideas they may have. Good luck darling!
Post # 6
Since you and your FI are paying for the wedding, YOU get to pick who you want in your bridal party. If you want your real sister and best friend as your attendants, then that is your decision. You are adults and this is YOUR party, not theirs. Some of the PPs have offered some excellent suggestions.
Post # 7
Thank you all so much,
I guess i was looking mainly for reassurance that i was in the right to make the decisions that my FI and i Want, not pleasing everyone else.
The ideas you guys have come up with are fantastic, and i will most definately use them!
Thank you so much xx
Post # 8
Well, just to update you… I asked the Step sisters to play there part but not walk up the aisle with me and wear all the same dress and be part of the Bridal brigade… The youngest was wonderful about it, and so was the middle sister, The eldest… the one who i really dont get on with threw a massive wobbly, stormed out and didnt speak to me for the rest of the evening… She didnt say anything to me… Just very maturely put a ‘cryptic’ Comment on FB!
I decided that i would continue with my plan to have them involved in the wedding as part of the Bridal Brigade, and invited them all along with my MOH’s to look at dresses for me. The youngest replied instantly saying she would love to come… The middle ( well she was with eldest at the time) and sent me a message with one line saying cant im at work, very short for her (it would appear big sister has posioned her already) and the oldest… well her silence justifies even further why i did not want her involved.
Problem is, I am not great with conflict and am starting to feel very anxious and panicky already… and its a year away… Is this going to be the worst year ever or what???
Weddings eh? What a nightmare 🙁
Post # 9
Oh god i feel for you, hope it all gets fixed in the end 🙂