Post # 1
So, I have been talking to this guy for about four months and we are getting pretty serious. I like him and now we are getting to the point were he wants to spend the night. Now, the issue is I have a daughter (4yrs old)(they have met)and she sleeps with me. This is my first relationship other than my child’s father maybe I am over reacting but I’m still concerned. Can you give me some ideas on what to do and just general advise on being a mom and entering a new relationship. In how you make your relationship successful w a child he has no children so maybe that’s why I’m panicking as well. He seem like he doesn’t mind but idk. Help!!
Post # 2
Karen J : well first step is to stop co-sleeping.
Post # 3
Agree! Why is your daughter sleeping in your bed?
Post # 4
This title made me very uncomfortable.
First and foremost, work on getting your daughter into her own designated sleeping space. It’ll be better for her in the long run to be able to sleep independently even if you miss the baby snuggles.
I would get your daughter sleeping independently before you invite him to sleep over. I would not have him or any other random dude sleep in bed with your daughter in the bed as well. It’s more comfortable for everyone involved.
Post # 5
Many people co-sleep with their kids so not sure why people are asking why you sleep with your daughter still. As far as new relationships and having this man staying over, and cosleeping, that’s not going to work. If your cosleeping for a reason then you need to decide what’s best for your daughter.
You really haven’t been dating that long. Does your child stay with her dad at all? That would be an appropriate time for you to have your bf stay over. Not sure why you went from “stepdad,dating to sex life”. Why is stepdad even a thought?
My thoughts are all over I apologize.
Post # 6
Your options are stop co-sleeping or celibacy. Pick one. Tell him. Let him decide if that’s the type of relationship he wants.
Post # 7
I’m confused by the title of your post…”stepdad”? It’s been 4 months…….
Post # 8
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
I think the bigger issue is this individual has already met your daughter and you seem to be referring to him as stepdad when its been less than four months…wth
Post # 9
Why are you calling a new boyfriend her step dad?!!!?! I hope you haven’t said that in front of your daughter!!!
Post # 10
My mind went to a weird place with the title of this post.
Post # 11
Agree with those above saying to get your daughter out of your bed first and then also do not call him a step father until you know things are going to go well with him and your daughter and you have a ring and have signed papers. It’s 4 months in, he could still fuck up majorly. They have met but you don’t know how he will be with your daughter and you need to leave room in your own mind for him to get dumped since your daughter is your priority.
Post # 12
How serious is the relationship? You haven’t slept together, and you’ve been seeing him four months. I hope he hasn’t spent much time around your daughter, as it would be ill-advised for her to become attached to someone who will not be around long term. This is why the use of “step dad” is completely out of bounds, IMO.
And regarding your daughter sleeping with you, the solution to that is obvious. But don’t make it some sort of family breakfast thing in the morning if you aren’t positive about the relationship. It just isn’t healthy for your daughter.
Post # 13
Hi Bee, I just wanted to add to the above suggestions of stopping co-sleeping that you do it slowly and carefully m. If you move your daughter out of your bed and a week later this guy is staying over, she might still be wandering back to your bed to sleep with you for a while, or she might struggle with feelings of abandonment, replacement etc. Remember at 4 she’s capable of a wide range of complex emotions but no skills of how to express her confusion or hurt or resentment if she links her being booted from your bed to the appearance of a new man in mommy’s life. It’s a different situation if you were just stopping co-sleeping for its own sake but it’s more conplicated because of the involvement of a (relative) stranger in her safe space. Strength bee, I wish you well.
Post # 14
I’ll say the same thing here as I did on another thread. You should not be introducing your child to anyone if you aren’t in a committed relationship, likely to become permanent. And considering you have a young child to consider, that ought to be something you take quite slowly. Which you should for yourself in any case.
I was confused by the title and wondering where your stepdad fit in to this. You are way ahead of yourself.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
It’s too soon to introduce him to your daughter, or even mention him to her…I won’t even touch the whole “stepdad” piece! 4 months is honestly nothing, you have no idea if this will ever even turn into a serious relationship.
If you want to have him over it would probably be best to do so when she stays with her dad/another family member for the night. Work up from there.