Post # 1
Any advice on this topic would be great…
My real father hasn’t ever been extremely involved in my life. About 6 years ago he started dating a girl my age who is extremely freaked out by my dad and my relationship. She see’s me more as competition than my dad’s daughter – it is weird. Anyways, she hasn’t allowed me to see my Dad for about 5 – 5 1/2 years. I see my Dad about 1 time a year and it is at a family reunion or Christmas. If he stands and talks to me for more than 5 minutes (seriously) she throws a huge fit and gets into my face. ::I sound like a Jerry Springer candidate lol – I am not!!::
So, my Dad is excited about my wedding but hasn’t talked to me hardly except for Fathers day this year. He isn’t contributing to the wedding at all either.
My step-dad has been in my life since I was 4 years old and has been extremely involved in my life and still is. He is funding the entire wedding as well (so generous).
My biological father said he wants a father-daughter dance and to walk me down the aisle. My step-dad is understanding and was fine with all of this (although he has seen me breakdown crying because my Dad seems to never want anything to do with me). So, my step-dad was going to do a reading in the ceremony and give the toast at the reception.
Now, my dad wants to do a toast at the reception as well and my mom (Who is like my rock and best friend) is VERY upset. Her view is: My dad isn’t emotionally or financially there and especially not during this wedding planning.
Do any of you have any suggestions on how to incorporate both my dad and stepdad into the cermony and reception without making our guests crazy? Here is what I have thought of so far:
My dad walks me down the aisle. My mom, stepdad and dad all “give me away”.
Step-dad will say a reading at ceremony
Reception – There will be 2 father daughter dances (one for my dad and one for step-dad).
Is this too much? Any advice? Thank you in advance!
Post # 3
I think you are allowing your bio dad too much. I don’t know your whole relatioship, but he obviously hasn’t set his gf straight, so its his fault you don’t have the relationship you should. I think what you have planned is good, and if your bio dad says anything, then tell him this is what you are comfortable with given the amount of contact you guys have, and leave it at that
Post # 4
1. Please stop making excuses for your Dad or blaming your Dad’s girlfriend for him not seeing you. He is an adult and makes his own decisions.
2. In your place I would be involving him less, and step-dad more. I would have my Bio Dad start me down the aisle, have my step-dad take over 1/2 way down the aisle ( Dad can wait until you get to the front then make his way to his seat)and my mom, dad and stepdad all say” We do” when the officient asks….
3. I would do something similar for the dance- start with my Dad, have him hand me over to my stepdad 1/2 way through the song. These dances are emotional and sweet, but 2 would risk being boring for your guets.
4. They can both make a toast.
Post # 5
It sort of sounds like you WANT your dad to be playing daddy and doing all these things for you. If that’s what you want go for it. I think your step-father deserves the honors of being a parent since he the one who actually bothers to be your parent, but I know that is my own bias, since my family situation is similar to yours except my father chose to drop completely out of the picture, not just the annual get together.
Post # 6
why are you allowing your bio dad to dictate what he wants so much? i think you rethink and do what you want and i also feel that you should give more consideration to your step dad. remember being a father is more than providing the sperm and it sounds like your stepdad has always been there for you
Post # 7
I have a similar situation. My father has been a drug addict my entire life but became clean about 3 years ago. My stepfather, on the other hand, has raised me since I was 2. My father is really trying to mend our relationship and is really excited about the wedding. Like your stepdad, mine is ridiculously understanding and is willing to step back and let my biological father do all the “father” things at the wedding. However, this does not feel right to me. So to compromise, I am splitting the duties. I am going to have my biological father walk me down the aisle but am going to do my first dance with my stepfather.
Is it going to hurt my father’s feelings a bit? Sure. However, I am not going to leave out that one man who supported me emotionally and financially for my entire life simply because someone else served as sperm donor. I know it sounds harsh but my biological was never there for me through the hard times so I am not going to cater to him during the happy ones.
Post # 8
@ta826: I think you should do what you feel is right. I personally would say if your step father has been the man in your life that has been consistant, he should be the one to give you away and dance with you. Your father has to learn that he can not just pop in and out of your life as he pleases and get the merrit on a day that does not belong to him. If he is upset by it, o well. He should take that as a learnign experience and move forward.
I hope it all works out for you.