(Closed) Stepfamily Crisis

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, I can tell 🙂 Now breathe!

If you do not know your stepfamily, it’s not extremely inappropriate for you to not invite them. You told her she could if she wanted to foot the bill. In a normal wedding situation, yes, you should have invited them, but this is a destination wedding. As this isn’t coming from your Mother-In-Law but a friend, clear things up and make sure that she doesn’t feel this way. It could just be a friend causing unnecessary trouble.

Perhaps you could invite the stepkids to the reception, even if it is going to be a small one, to pacify everyone. Afterall, they are now part of your FI’s famiy, even if they aren’t too friendly.

 

Post # 4
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

A wedding isn’t a time for a makeshift family reunion imho.  My thoughts now on weddings and who gets an invite is this..if these people aren’t actively involved in who we are, they don’t get an invite.  If they aren’t reciprocal in friendship, they don’t get an invite.  No inviting every second cousin once removed for me!

You barely even KNOW THEIR NAMES!  Why worry?  If this were (I am being very honest and say this with love ok?) something of importance to you future Mother-In-Law, I think she would have introduced you to them properly and helped you get to know them.

I don’t think you should foot the bill for all these people AND THEIR KIDS all of whom you barely know to come to your wedding.  If they do come, it’s on their own dime and you pay for reception..only.

I think they’d see it as a makeshift family reunion or a free vacay on your dime since they too haven’t spent the time getting to know you either. 

don’t listen to the friend of the Mother-In-Law.  It’s not her wedding or her money either!  And if the MIl to be spent Christmas with somebody other than her stepfamily or immediate family, I wouldn’t worry too much.  Plus the Mother-In-Law isn’t too worried about this either.

If you wish, you could hold a family only cocktail party or dinner in honor of the wedding and invite them after the wedding occurs.  Maybe a month or two after the marriage.  That would be the maximum I would ever consider.  And have Mother-In-Law do that.

I don’t believe in inviting only to a reception as it makes people feel like they are on the "B" list.  .

Many hugs to you and your Fiance. 

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Is your concern that MIL’s firend, is really the mouthpiece for your MIL?  You said that your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have a problem with not inviting them.  So unless you feel like your Future Mother-In-Law, is not being honest with you, I’d say don’t listen to her friend.  This friend rubs me the wrong way.  (YOur embarrassing yourself?  Your snubbing your FMIL?)  This isn’t even about you.  This is your FI’s choice. 

Personally, I would tell him about the friend.  And let him discuss this with his mom.  (And if there is a way to uninvite the friend, I’d consider that too 😉

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