(Closed) Stepmom bees…I need your help!!

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m not a stepmom, but I had several!!! The best policy is just be honest with him, he may not understand it now, but he will one day. Tell him that his dad is marrrying you, but you know that you can never replace his mother. If you aren’t against it, I would let him call you by your first name. I refused to call my stepmothers by anything else and it wasn’t me just trying to be rude, nothing else seemed to fit. Good luck with everything!

Post # 4
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My soon-to-be stepkids call me by my name. As far as letting them know that we were getting married, he asked them after we all had dinner together if they had noticed my ring, and what they thought the ring meant. His daughter has a stepdad already and had a stepmom in my fiancé’s second wife (his son’s mother), so she understood and had no problem with it (she’s 12). His son (5) said, “Oh, okay.” Then after a long pause said, “But does that mean I can never eat in the living room again?” 

We haven’t had any issues with the whole thing. We have him 50% of the time, so there was a fair amount of exposure even when we were dating. Now that we live together, we used the new house as a baseline for enforcing new rules (no eating or drinking in the living room, no tantrums before bedtime, no tantrums period, setting the table, etc — lots of little things and little ridiculous behavioral things). He tried testing boundaries (his dad was always a pushover because his mom always did the major parenting, so he could get away with whatever he wanted from his dad and his mother spoils him beyond belief) and learned within about two weeks that he couldn’t be a brat anymore. Now that he’s done with the tantrums, he runs around and plays and does what he’s asked when we ask him instead of standing there refusing for 30 minutes and losing all of his play time. 

Anyway, my point is that it’s probably not that difficult if you don’t make a big deal out of it. Sometimes drawing attention to something and making it seem like something potentially problematic actually makes it problematic. (like overreacting when a kid stubs his toe and it’s your reaction that actually makes him cry).

Post # 5
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My question is how did you or your fiance introduce you to your soon to be stepchildren?  

It was about 3 months before my Fiance introduced me to his daughter, Jayden. We were away at GRAD school however and not in the same city. It probably would’ve been sooner if we were in the same city. 

How did you talk to them about your upcoming marriage?

My fiance had told his daughter (age 9) that he wanted to marry me. And then we kind of sat down together and told her that we were going to get married in about a year. This was about 3 weeks after he proposed. He had to talk to his ex wife prior. 

Most importantly, what did you ask them to call you? 

She calls me by my first name. I wouldn’t expect her to call me anything else. 

Post # 6
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My question is how did you or your fiance introduce you to your soon to be stepchildren?  

He wasn’t my Fiance at the time..i believe i was way more worried about protecting the kids than he was (i mean about them meeting someone else in their parent’s lives). I actually met my stepson and my now husband met my daughter at the same time – in a train station, where we quickly met before going each other’s way (i was coming home from beach holidays and he was going to take his son to a hockey tournament in another country). So it was quick, almost no tension and maybe 3 months after we started dating..Yeah, really quick..

How did you talk to them about your upcoming marriage?

Have been living with my stepson since he was 13 – he’s now 20! Had to live through a LOT of issues, but we get along really well. His dad told him about the wedding ( we were nervous about his reaction)  and he reacted really well :-). Not the same thing happened when he knew he was going to have a baby sister, 5 years ago..now THAT was terrible!!

Most importantly, what did you ask them to call you? 

He  calls me by my first name. I wouldn’t expect him to call me anything else. 

Post # 7
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I met my stepsons pretty early on. We were just friends though, so it wasn’t swerious and I only saw them like once a month or so. At the time, the kids were 2 and 3 years old. We didn’t begin dating until later. I was VERY cautious in being around them too much in case things didn’t work out… though that was hard since he was a single dad.

We sat the boys down one day, they were like 5 and asked if they were ok with daddy and I getting married. They were happy. To be honest, mom had moved out when they were 2 and 3 and hasn’t been too involved, so that made it a little easier. The kids were just excited to get to fly to the wedding and be in it.

The boys usually call me by my first name, but over the last few weeks the 6 year old has started calling me Momma and Mommy. The 7 year old refers to be as Mommy if asked who his Mom is. I have not forced that on them at all, but they have been living with me daily since 2 weeks before the wedding (so like 2 months now). On the day to day things, I am their mom… doing mommy things. But I have always told them that they have a (bio) mom.

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