Post # 1
So long story short, my perviously estranged mother is coming to my wedding. My stepmom is very upset by this, and sees it as a direct insult to her. She is now freaking out about the face that she (my stepmom) should be listed as the mother of the bride, not my mother. Where as I am fine with that, and my mom can be just a guest, I have been told explicitly that I need to make my stepmom feel “special,” on my wedding day. Otherwise (and likely regardless), there will be a scene, or both my stemom and dad won’t come to the wedding. Has anyone done anything to make their parent’s feel “Extra special,” on their own wedding day. I understand how ridiculous this all sounds, but I am really just trying to make everyone happy so that this day comes and goes without as much drama as possible.
Post # 2
I get it. I’m very close with my stepmom, and not as close to my mom. As my dad and she were contributing a large amount to the wedding, their names were listed on the invitation. I didn’t list “father of the bride” or “mother of the bride” on the program, instead I listed it as
Parents of the Bride
Mr. & Mrs. Dad & Stepmom
One thing I did make clear was to my photographer, pointing out my stepmom and letting her know that she’s a VIP.
In your case, I would list your dad & stepmom as “parents of the bride” on the program and not mention your mother. Also I’d keep your dad/stepmom in the front row, and if you need the need to give bio mom priority seating she can go in the second row. I had all my parents still sit on the same row.
Post # 3
Is listing her as the mother not special enough?
Post # 4
my mom is not on the program at all, it is only my stepmom listed as one of my parents. and No apparently that is not special enough…
Post # 5
You can get her a special corsage and have her in the processional. Other than that and being listed as mother of the bride I’m not sure what else she wants as my own mother didn’t get that much.
Post # 6
Wow dramatic haha. What about corsages? I personally don’t like them, but if no one else has one, maybe that will make her feel special?
Post # 7
I would maybe get her a corsage, if you aren’t already.
I also know some people are very against this, but could you have your step mom AND dad walk you down the aisle? Or allow your dad and step mom to give a speech together?
Post # 8
Could your stepmom get ready with you? Maybe get her hair done or something with the wedding party? It sounds like she wants something reassuring, and being with you would reassure her (maybe).
Post # 9
She has a corsage and she is getting ready (hair and makeup) with me in the morning, Ill talk to my dad about her walking me down the isle. Though I am not sure how I feel about that (I like the traditional dad walking me down the isle). This has become such a nightmare, thank you for all of your ideas!
Post # 10
You could also maybe get her a special, sentimental gift to give her morning of!
Post # 11
Presumably Stepmom is a grown woman- so ask her what she wants to “feel extra special.” If having her name listed, getting ready with you, processing in, and wearing a corsage isn’t enough to set her apart from a regular guest, unfair expectations are being set. If stepmom or your dad is implying that there will be “drama” but can’t tell you “X, Y, and Z would help”, that’s completely unreasonable. Seriously, I totally get the urge to try and make everyone happy but don’t let someone hang “I may throw a fit if I don’t feel special enough!” over your head. It’s your wedding!
Post # 12
Could she be walked down the isle by the best man?
Who is signing as a witness?
Could you ask for some specific photos with her and your dad?
Ask her to announce your entrance when going into the reception? Or ask if she (and your dad) would like to be announced as parents of the bride? Though you’ll probably have to announce the parents of the groom too…
Thank her in a toast for beign so supportive and helpful?
Post # 13
Wait, so you’re doing a bunch of things to make her feel special but it’s still not enough? Ask her if wearing a wedding dress covered in glitter & lights would make her feel special enough; you could even set off fireworks when she enters so everyone notices her. LOL. She sounds pretty childish to me. Sorry bee!
Post # 14
Geesh. I’m a stepmom and even I had to roll my eyes at this. I say have a few pictures of her and you alone along with a bigger corsage than your bio mom gets and leave it at that. This seems like a bit much to me (her reaction) and even a little insecure.
Post # 15
My best friend was in this situation a few months ago. Her real mom has never been a mom to her, and her step mom has been in her life since she was in 4th grade. She planned on not listing her real mom as a parent on the programs, but her real mom was upset, so she caved and did it. It was listed “Dad & Step mom, Bio mom” as parents of the bride.
She also had her real mom walked in first, having her step mom walked in in the position that typically a “real” mom would be walked in.
She also wrote a letter to her step mom the night before, telling her how special she is to her, and that she wouldn’t be the woman that she is today without her. She thanked her for showing her what a real marriage should look like, and that she hoped she could be as good of a wife as the step mom has been to her dad.
Her step mom also helped her into her dess, put on her veil, and did all of the motherly duties. She made it very clear to everyone (her real mom included), that her step mom was who she considers “Mom”.