- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I’ve been totally rethinking my “elopement with family” idea. It was just going to be my mom, dad, stepmother and FI’s parents, siblings and nieces and nephews. Less than 15 people. I was doing that more to avoid drama with my stepmother and my incredibly shy personality. However I started thinking how I shouldn’t let my crazy self involved stepmother dictate how i do my wedding just cause i fear what she’ll do if she is not treated as an “equal mother” on my wedding day. Also thought if I had more people at my wedding I could avoid her more easily. I get incredibly nervous around her, and the fewer people around the more i have to interact with her.
So here’s my idea. It will still be an intimiate wedding at the same country bed and breakfast i had planned. I’ll invite my aunts, uncles and cousins from my dad’s side(doubt all will come though), my stepsister (unlikely she’ll come even if invited), my stepmother’s parents and siblings (her family actually has been so nice to me and hopefully stepmom will be on better behavior with them there and not pitch a fit if she isn’t “honored”), and FI’s aunts, uncles, and cousins. Mom doesn’t have any family but me. Still comes out to about 50 people or less which is do-able with my shyness. I will draw the line somewhere though. I won’t be inviting Stepmom’s grown nieces and nephews. I’m not very close to them, whereas i know her parents and siblings much better.
As far as dealing with divorced parents/stepmother, here are my plans. Invitation will be “together with our parents”. Mothers corsages will just go to our biological mothers. If i must i’ll get her a much much smaller corsage to signify she’s “family” since she cares so much about getting praise and being recognized. Stepmom will not be escorted during the processional (will have usher escort her before ceremony begins) but will sit in the front row. Both Mom and Dad will “give me away” as Mom raised me pretty much on her own. Reception everyone (mom, dad, stepmom, fiance’s parents and us) will sit together at the same table, however if her family attends its likely she won’t want to sit with us. Photos will include lots of different shots (mom/dad/bride, dad/stepmom/bride, mom/dad/stepmom/bride/groom/grooms parents) so i’m not excluding anyone.
Really I’m done living in fear of what she’ll do if she isn’t treated as a “mother”. She was a cruel woman to me during my teen years and while I won’t be cold to her I’m certainly not treating her and pretending as if she was someone who was like a mother to me. Even though its been over 20 years i don’t even think of her as a stepmom. To me that implies someone who’s been like a mom to you. She is nothing more than my dad’s wife to me. We don’t even communicate with one another and see eachother once a year despite living minutes from one another.
I think i’m being more than generous by having her family invited, having her seated in the front row, including her in photos. I’m certainly not pretending she doesn’t exist, but i’m also not treating her as if she was amother.