(Closed) stepping on my toes?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ummm….well, since you both don’t have the same guest list, I guess I don’t see what the big deal is, even if you are friends.

It’s kinda crappy, but I had a sorority sister pick the SAME DATE as ME, and I’d been engaged months early. Our guest list crossed by like 2 people. 

So i think 2 weeksw is fine. Are you just annoyed that she picked it to "beat you" though? Are you in her wedding and are you genuinely concerned that you won’t be a good bridesmaid because you’ll be too focused on your own wedding?

Post # 4
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Welcome Miss Priss.  I can understand your frustration over this, but I think that usually the issue is whether guests will be able to attend both weddings.  If none of the guests going to hers are coming to yours, I don’t think it should be a big deal.  Will your friend still be able to attend your wedding?  I think as many people will say that you get 1 day, not a month or a week or a year.  Maybe that date was all the venue she really loved had.  If it were the same day or weekend taht would be one thing, but I think since there’s no real overlap, that it isn’t worth ruining your friendship over.

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry your friendship has took a turn because of this.

I can’t imagine your friend doing this just to hurt your feelings, though.  It’s a subjective matter.  It may matter to one person but not the other.  If you guys are not sharing the same guest list, I think it’s totally fine.  Your day will be your day, no matter who gets married the weeks before or after you.  If you really think about it, it’s really hard to expect someone’s else’s wedding plans to revolve around your own.  Maybe they thought the date would work best for them and their families. 

It may be a bummer but be happy for her and don’t let it ruin your friendship.  After your weddings are over, you’d still want her love and support throughout life.  That’s what matters most.

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Oh goodness…  Are you sure she’s never considered it until you brought it up?  I know I was a planner since I was three.  If she had always wanted October, the n Ican understand her planning the wedding when she did.

I think ultimately based on the fact that none of the guests will be the same, I have to say I don’t believe it’s a big deal.  You won’t be putting extra stress on your guests, because they won’t be goingto two weddings.  Also the guests won’t be comparing the two weddings etc.  I can understand you’ve had your wedding set for a while, and she got engaged more recently.  And maybe you are feeling like she is trying to copy you.  Sounds like, in discussing your wedding plans with her, she all of a sudden discovered how beautiful fall weddings can be.  But really, I don’t think it’s worth ruining a friendship. 

I would consider not sharing any more wedding info together, if you fear she is just going to copy you.  But unless she was a sister or perhaps cousin, who would have a very similar guest list as you, I don’t think it should be a big deal.  I didn’t presonally have this experience with a friend.  But two close friends (and friends with each otehr) had their weddings one week apart.  Neither had a problem with the weddings being close.  In fact I think it’s kind of cute.  They can celebrate their anniversaries at the same time.

Post # 7
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Wow…second time today we’ve heard about copycats.

I really don’t think it should be an issue at all. And if you’re best friends, wouldn’t it be great to have someone going through the same planning issues at the same time? I think as long as neither of you is copying specific ideas, it would be great.

You shouldn’t let a friendship go because she’s getting married so close to your date. If the guest list is different and ceremonies are different, she’s not stealing your thunder.

Post # 8
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I wouldn’t worry about it.  She may have other things dictating her date, ie ceremony/reception location, family events, personal life events etc. 

You guys aren’t sharing a guest list so I think it is no big deal.

Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

no biggie. I would be excited to have someone to plan with-i wish one of my friends would get engaged.

Post # 11
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Thanks for keeping us updated.  And if people around you were sayig it was a big deal… I would say either they know something of the situation we don’t.  Or they were trying to be "supportive" of you by validating your feelings.  (Eek, I do that sometimes.  I suppose that’s not always the best thing.)

Post # 12
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I agree with the other girls. After all, your day is your day. It’s about you and your soon to be hubby, right? And her day is her day. What’s that movie with Kate Hudson and Anne Hatheway?

Post # 13
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Don’t worry about her having her wedding in the same month as yours. If you’re worried she’s going to steal your details, then don’t share your final decisions with her. But since your guests lists will overlap by only two or so couples, I would care a lot less about whether she is copying my details and instead I would be excited that I had a friend to plan my wedding with. It’s a stressful thing to plan and I sure wish some of my friends had been engaged at the same time so that I could have had a real-life sounding board!

Post # 14
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

at least she’ll be in total wedding mode and not moved on by then…

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