Post # 1
SO this question is the actual reason I found this site (was Googling to see if anyone else had faced this issue).
My stepsister introduced my fiance and I almost 3 years ago. IN fact I would have never met him if I hadn’t let her bully me into attending a brunch she was throwing for her friends (he was a friend of her’s from high school). My fiance and I just recently got engaged, but it’s been pretty obvious that we were probably going to get married. For about the last 6 months before the engagement was announced, stepsister has been announcing to everyone that she was going to be a bridesmaid since she introduced us. I’ve been just kinda blowing her off without confirming or denying (mostly because I didn’t want to deal with her drama and she can’t take a hint) but I probably should have addressed it sooner. Typically she gets these wild ideas and eventually forgets them if given enough time. I should have known this would be different.
My stepsister and I aren’t particularly close but she has a different idea and seems to see herself as some sort of guiding, big sister to me. We saw each other about 3 times a year while I was growing up, my dad and her mom married when I was about 7, this year I turned 30. We hung out more in my 20’s but mostly shopping, lunches, that kind of thing. Not really any majorly significant events. Also, our parents divorced about 10 years ago and have since remarried to other people. I love her as family, and in small doses, but she tends to be overbearing, rude (although she thinks she’s just making funny quips) and outspoken. As we have a VERY different sense of style, I can see her constantly trying to push me around on EVERY aspect of the wedding to the point of my actually considering eloping just to avoid dealing with her.
My bio sis is going to be my matron of honor (we are 18 months apart and lived in same house growing up) and step sis constantly accused us in the past year of leaving her “out of things”. Fuel on the fire, bio sis has been married twice (most recently last February) and stepsis had no role in first wedding and read a passage at wedding #2, but that was mostly to keep step sis happy and from causing drama at not being included. Part of me wants to ask her to do a reading like at bio sis wedding, just to give her something to do and let her feel included. Other part of my doesn’t even want to give her any spotlight because she often finds a way to steal attention. As an example, stepsis asked biosis 15 minutes before the ceremony started (biosis was in wedding dress, ready to walk down the aisle) to escort her to her seat fully expecting biosis to comply. Biosis was incredulous but luckily a close friend stepped in to show stepsis to her seat.
Any thoughts on letting stepsis down easily? Do I give her a role in the wedding ceremony at all?
Post # 3
@Kat05: I haven’t been in your situation, but the best advice is almost always, “Don’t be bullied into asking someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, especially if they’re known to be difficult”. So don’t. And it’s certainly extra rude for *anyone* to ask to be a bridesmaid.
Her organising the brunch where you met your fiance, doesn’t override the years of friendship of other girls you’d like in your bridal party.
I think having her do a reading is a nice compromise, though you don’t have to. A reading is good because of a double connection – she knows both you and Fiance.
EDIT: Or you could ask her to do a short toast at the reception, again because she knows you both. That’s if you’re confident she won’t see something inappropriate. That’d give her the spotlight for a couple of minutes but otherwise she’s out of the picture.
Post # 4
@Kat05: I am leaning towards NOT making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she is rude and overbearing now, she will be worse when it comes to dress shopping, bridal shower, bach party et al.
YOu can tell her you love her but you feel it’s best she either do a reading or give a toast as the PP suggested.
Post # 5
It’s your wedding-your rules. period.
I would include her somehow…reading, music, guest book, etc. Maybe ask her opinion on stuff that doesn’t matter?
Post # 6
I am in such a similar situation… but the difference is i have already addresses the StepSister issue ( i have three, Two of whom i love and one i detest) and asked them to be part of a Bridal Brigade.. Basically, they have all the responsibilities of a Bridesmaid or Best Man being there, wearing the same colour scheme as the wedding party, have a corsage, involved in Hen do, all the nice stuff you do with a Bridesmaid or Best Man because they love you and vice versa,, but don’t walk up the Aisle/ all wear the same dress. A great compromise i thought… but not according to Eldest Step Sister, who threw a massive Wobbler, didn’t speak to me the rest of the evening after i asked her, didn’t reply when i asked if she and all the others involved would like to come Wedding dress shopping and seems to have turned one of the Step sisters i do get on with against me already!! I think i may have a breakdown dealing with all this, but maybe if your stepsister is less of an evil witch than mine, the Bridal Brigade idea may work… You give them a list of that they do do, a list of what they don’t do, and put it all ina box, with some lovely pictures/mood board ideas for your wedding, colour swatches etc etc!)
Good Luck.. If i make it to Next August and being Married and havent lost the plot with all these problem ( there will be soooo many more along the way!) i’ll let you know.
Good luck with everything, Its nice to know we are not alone in the Step Sister issues world 🙂