(Closed) Sticking to my guns (and shaking in my boots): not inviting kids

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I know you can’t shake your feeling, but your friend is the one who should be feeling icky.  It’s very rude in my opinion to invite your own children when the host has already made the plan clear.  It’s especially unfair of her to give you an ultimatum like that, and if she doesn’t come, she’s missing out!

Post # 4
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Your friend is being unreasonable.  You’ve really gone out of your way to ensure that there will be adequate (and well-trained) childcare available for your guests, and for her to imply that this is somehow inconsiderate is ridiculous.

It sounds like she would benefit from some time away from her two-year old, anyway.  Hasn’t she heard that ultimatums are for toddlers?

 

Post # 5
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

You are doing FAR more than should be excepted. I think it’s extremely generous of you to provide a sitter for the younger children.
I know how you feel though, Mr Frenchie and I decided from the beginning we didn’t want to invite children (at all) to our wedding. We had a few guests question us… some loved having a night away with adults and others didn’t come b/c their children couldn’t and they couldn’t get a sitter. At first I felt icky when one guest wouldn’t drop the issue, but then I realized THEY were the ones being rude.

Post # 6
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve chimed in on this issue a lot before.  IMO, a formal evening wedding is no place for children.  You’re being extremely accomodating by not only inviting children over 5, but providing babysitting for those under 5!

In our case, there’s just no kids under 15 (the age of my youngest BM)  Period.  No babysitting services, no exceptions.  I NEVER went to weddings as a child, and even when I was a flower girl, my grandma picked me up after the cocktail hour.

You’re doing MORE than enough to accomodate people.  Don’t feel bad.

Post # 7
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

What you’re doing is completely understandable. She sounds like she’s being very immature about the situation. Her baby won’t be left with just “anyone”, they’ll be daycare specialists with many other children. Don’t give in, you’ve already explained to her the situation. You’re not being rude in ANY way…actually you’re being very helpful in even getting a “daycare on site”. Most people wouldn’t do this. If she isn’t coming because she doesn’t want to leave her child for a few hours, then that’s fine! I’m totally sure she has parents that could watch her baby for her while she’s at the wedding, anyway. At this point it seems like she just wants it her way, and only her way. Don’t stress over it.

Post # 8
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

She’s probably guilting you, hoping you’ll bend the rule for her. Honestly, people can be so rude. Sometimes, people pull the “I won’t come” line just so that maybe you’ll let them bring their kid. If they don’t come, they don’t come. Everyone’s priorities are different, and if she cannot separate from her kid, then that’s her choice. STICK TO YOUR GUNS!

Post # 9
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We’re even more restrictive – no one under 18. If nothing else, the “older cousins” (16 or so) can always babysit the younger cousins and make some extra money. And would probably have a lot more fun than if they went to our stuffy friday night cocktail reception. This has caused some (all of our) problems, but it’s what I’ve always wanted, and I’ve already caved to having a (significantly) larger reception than I’m comfortable with. So, I won’t budge on this one.

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I understand why you are upset. But like others have said, she is the one who should feel bad about this, not you. This is your wedding and you have been more than accomodating. The possiblities for her are endless as to what to do with her little girl: Get to know the babysitters ahead of time, arrange for her own babysitter at home, not come, etc. And the decision should be made behind the scenes. She shouldn’t put you in that position.

Stick to your guns and don’t feel bad. Like I said she has so many options and making you feel guilty should not be one of them.

Post # 12
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We probably don’t have any one under 25 on our guest list!  My Future Sister-In-Law and a good friend will both have itty bitty babies and I’m already preparing how to politely mention that they need to stay with grandparents for the evening.

You are being totally wonderful by offering child care!

Post # 13
Member
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I shared my views about this here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/for-those-planning-an-adults-only-reception Your friend is manipulating you with guilt and is being rude. I’m sure in the 2.5 yrs since she gave birth, she has been out w/o her child. I know a lot of parents have jobs that keep them away from home too much as it is, but it’s your choice and you are going above and beyond to accomodate. I would think most parents would really appreciate the babysitting service so they can enjoy a night out!

Post # 14
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your friend is being unreasonable. You have gone far beyond by even paying for and providing a sitter! Also this is not just any sitter…these are “professional sitters” =). My friends with children would love you! Surely she will come around and realize how completely unreasonable she is being.

Post # 15
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yep, you’re definitely not in the wrong! You drew a line (and a pretty generous one, IMHO!) and you have every right to stick to it. If your friend doesn’t value your friendship that much, maybe it’s not such a shame that she’ll miss out on the celebrations.

Post # 16
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re not inviting anyone below 18 – and I think that’s completely acceptable. As long as there’s no exceptions, that is. My Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t take very kindly to our viewpoint – but as it’s our wedding, not hers, and she isn’t willing to pay for all the children (our venue doesn’t discount the meals for kids) we’re holding our ground on this one.

By The Way your friend is so rude – you’re definately not doing anything wrong!

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