(Closed) Sticky alcohol situation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m so sorry you have to deal with this! just tell the groomsmen that they’re welcome to drink before and after the wedding, but due to various circumstances, there will be no alcohol available. you could even lie and say it’s based on your budget.

on another note, have you and your mom considered al-anon? it’s a great support system for the families of alcoholics.

Post # 4
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Since it sounds like you and Fi are united on the decision – what about having him tell them?

You could let them know that based on some issues with alcohol recovery, you’ve decided to not serve.  You don’t have to say it’s your dad – just say it’s in the best interest of those that are struggling with it and leave it be.

You could then springboard to saying you want to have their favorite drinks available pre-wedding and to ask what those are.  That might be a good way to change the subject and just state the facts!

If they whine about it – just say you understand but that’s the decision you had to make and leave it be.  

Edit:  be prepared to see some flasks at the wedding – in all the dry weddings I’ve been to – I’ve seen people with their own stash.

Post # 6
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

To me, I don’t think you owe an explanation. It would be different if this was a one sided decision, but you and your Fiance both agreeded on it. Just simple state that there will be no alcohol at the wedding, but do inform your Bridal Party that drinks will be there before and after the wedding.

At my friends wedding, they didn’t have alcohol b/c her grandmother is 100% against drinking, so to avoid the granny drama, the Groomsmen & Bridesmaid or Best Man all had a little pre-party while getting ready, and then their after party had drinks. Even though we all knew the reason, everyone understood 🙂

Post # 7
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I tend to agree with AnnieAAA that you don’t really owe anyone an explanation…..but, if you did not want to tell them the truth, and you were ok with a “little white lie,” why not be a bit vague but say it has to do with the venue’s alcohol liability insurance “stuff” ?  

Post # 9
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t feel guilty, it’s your wedding. It’s not like the guests can’t drink any other day. You could invite the Groomsmen out for an after party if you’re really concerned they will react negatively.

I like the vague “alcohol liability insurance stuff” mentioned by PP.

Post # 10
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If anyone asks just tell them what you’re comfortable with, whether it’s that there was a misunderstanding (which there was, even if it wasn’t with the venue), or that there are some people that are in recovery and that you don’t mind if people drink elsewhere but you just want to make sure all your guests have a safe and comfortable time. Maybe let people know that there is no longer an open bar, though, so they can bring cash if they do want to purchase drinks elsewhere before. 

Post # 11
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i also agree with those who posted that it really doesnt need an explanation but i also see where you are in a position where you feel like you should explain someTHING about it…if anything- just simply say for various reasons you arent having alc at the reception but def before and afterwards. you may think it will give ppl reasons to complain and yadayadayada…but if its your family and friends, chances are they wont push the issue and be content with drinking before and after. also- since you said its an afternoon wededing, they have the whole night to drink at ur apt! dont stress it- the main idea is that you and ur Fiance are both on board! that’s much better than him feeling diff about it!

Post # 12
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

While I agree you don’t OWE anyone an explanation, going from “hell yeah, we’re having an open bar it’s super cheap!!” to “we’re having a dry wedding” is going to result in some questions and speculation; that’s just reality. I think it would actually cause MORE drama to not offer up any explanation at all than to just offer up a vague version of the truth. 

I agree with the previous poster that you should just let them know that you won’t be serving alcohol at the wedding due to recovery issues, but that they’re welcome to bring a flask (discreetly,  of course) and there will be alcohol available to those who want it both before and after the wedding.  

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, it’s got to be rough. 

Post # 14
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@jo.lee: Please look up alanon. It’s important for your family at this point, especially your mom.

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