(Closed) Sticky Attendant +1 Dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

A year is a substantial length of time.  Invite the significant other and leave it up him/her whether to attend.

Post # 4
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t really see how you can possibly justify not inviting him unless no one at all is bringing SOs.  This is one of your attendants. 

Post # 6
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If you’re allowing everyone +1s (aka, guests who are single are being permitted to bring a date/friend), then you have to invite them.

If you’re only inviting people in relationships, then it’s perfectly OK to only invite people in “comitted” relationships (married, engaged, or living together).

Sometimes people make exceptions for the bridal party, though. But you’re not required to.

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would definitely invite the significant other.

Post # 9
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Its offensive, sorry.

I have a Groomsman who has been dating a girl since November, the wedding is begining of May and we are inviting her.

We are not having her sit at the bridal table (another close couple we are having the gf at the bridal table even though she is not a bm).

But excluding her is really, really rude, sorry.

If I was invited to “dancing only” of any wedding I would be offended and not attend. Its really rude.

Post # 10
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Personally, if I had been dating someone for almost a year, AND if I were in the wedding party, I would be pretty ticked if they weren’t invited to the wedding. Many bees met and married their SO in a year’s time, you can’t judge the “serious-ness” of a relationship soley on time. 

Post # 11
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@shoppinggirl:  If your wedding is Sept 2012, will you be sending invitations in late July/early August?  You have awhile to see if this relationship stays together; if so, I would extend an invitation to the SO.  By one year, many couples move in together, get engaged, or even get married.  Your attendant may feel slighted if her (at that point) long-term SO isn’t invited.  Will they have to travel any distance to attend?  If so, it would be courteous to invite the SO to the whole ceremony/reception.

 

ETA: We’re inviting friends’ spouses and SOs who are unlikely to know anyone else at the wedding. They can then decide whether to attend.

Post # 12
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@philodendron:  I was thinking the same thing.

Honestly, I’m not sure why you’re worrying about it yet. Your invites won’t go out for another 5 or 6 months, correct? If they’re still together then not only is there a good chance you’ll know the person better, but also that’s a long enough relationship that I’d say it’s rude to not invite them since they’re dating your attendant, not just a regular guest. But don’t worry about it right now, you still have a long time to get to know this person.

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be hurt if I was in the wedding party and my Fiance was invited to the “dancing part” even back when we’d been dating for a year and weren’t engaged yet.  That is basically saying, “You can come but only to the part that doesn’t cost us anything.”

I wouldn’t mind my friend asking me if I thought that he would be more comfortable coming to the dancing part if I was expected to be up at a head table of some sort; not saying “we were thinking of not inviting him” but “You might want to suggest that he show up for the dancing part so he won’t have to sit alone with a bunch of strangers.”  I don’t know if that solves your problem since you also want to not invite him since you don’t know him well and want to invite someone else instead of him.

Unless your invites are going out now, you don’t really need to face it now.  They may not be dating by then, but if they aren’t then he won’t show up anyway.  If they are, then it’s not really a new relationship at that point.

As a side note, I was just Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend and my Fiance only knew one other person for a portion of time, but he kept himself entertained and ended up being really helpful when it came to rounding up people for photos.  He had a good time despite me not being with him for over a third of the whole thing.  I think this guy can decide for himself whether he’s comfortable going to a wedding where he’ll be alone for a portion of it.

Post # 14
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

New?  I was engaged 8 months into my relationship and I definitely did not consider it “new” even though we had been together less than a year.  I definitely think you should invite the SO. 

Post # 15
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think the thing to remember here is not the time that the couple has been dating. It’s that they do not fall into the traditional married/engaged (& recently added “living together”) category that is commonly referenced.

The OP is not giving “regular” guests +1s if they’re not in that kind of relationship. She is by no means obligated to invite her bridesmaid’s SO, especially if it means she can’t invite a close family member because of it.

However, I also agree with PP that you don’t have to make the decision until you send out the invites in the summer. Don’t stress about it too much at this point, OP!

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