(Closed) Sticky gift situation: Can I ask my friend about it?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette

The topic ‘Sticky gift situation: Can I ask my friend about it?’ is closed to new replies.

(Closed) Sticky gift situation; can I ask my friend about it?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would call her up , tell her that I am doing thank you cards and that there were TWO boxes that were without a card. I would describe the paper and the gifts and ask if they came from her. I’ll bet that if they are from her and you say there were TWO boxes she will say “yes they are from me, but there should have been a THIRD box”. You won’t have to bring up the issue of the potentially missing gift. She will be the one to mention it. Then you can comisserate together.

Post # 5
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah, I think it’s ok!  Fiance and I once bought an expensive wine cooler for a bride and never got a thank you note.  It was SO unlike her to not send a note so I battled back and forth over whether or not to mention it, because I didn’t want her to think I was calling to point out that she didn’t write a note.  I eventually sucked it up and called her to make sure she got it and she was so glad because the card with our gift got lost!  I don’t think she would be offended at all!  Would you be?

Post # 6
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that it is acceptable to call and ask her.  If she ended up not getting you a gift, she might be embarassed.  But, I think it is worth it if you have a good suspicion the boxes were from her.

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think I, personally, would be comfortable making or receiving this call.  Perhaps she hadn’t brought the gift, and was planning on mailing it later.  In that case, asking her about it might be embarassed.

In your situation, I would send out TYs for the rest of the gifts, and wait on this.  Maybe word will spread that TYs have gone out and whoever gave those items will call to make sure you received them.  Or you could subtly spread the word with the family gossip that you aren’t sure of a few packages.

It is your friendship, however, and if you feel comfortable asking someone about a gift they may or may not have given, go for it.

Post # 9
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@GreenEyedMoon:  I was really glad when a friend of mine called to ask me about a present I said I was giving her that she never received! UPS never delivered it and I never got a notification saying it had been sent back to the store, never got a refund. I was VERY glad she made that “awkward” phone call because I was able to sort out the problem and be sure she got her gift.

 

Post # 11
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@GreenEyedMoon:  Did you mention that you got 2 boxes? Like the bee above said if she gave you 3 then she will know somethings wrong.

Post # 13
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GreenEyedMoon:  I’d send something like “I’m so bummed that we didn’t get to see your awesome card. The two boxes you wrapped were beautiful, and I’m sure that would’ve been lovely as well.” Then she’d know for sure you meant her two boxes.

Post # 14
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Since she didn’t seem to catch that you said 2 boxes….and you aren’t sure if that means she only gave 2 or the 3rd is missing…I would go a more sneaky route.

Give her a call and say you have a friend/relative’s birthday coming up and you really think they’d like those wine charms that she had mentioned to you before the wedding (or some wording that makes it clear that you don’t have them now) and wanted to know where she got them?

That’s maybe what I would try instead of trying to gently and politely ask-without-asking if she got you the charms or if they got lost.

Post # 16
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s really annoying 🙁  Presumably when you list the two gifts in the TYN without mentioning the wine charms, she’ll ask what’s up if she included wine charms in her gift.  It’s really annoying that they got separated!