(Closed) sticky invitation (and ketubah) wording situation

posted 10 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We wanted a sort of informal feeling, but my parents are definately hosting the event.  We said:

Jane and John Smith
invite you to join them in celebrating
the marriage of their daughter
Suzzano Kathleen
Groom’s Name (etc, etc).

Using first names rather than Mr. & Mrs. gives us the informality we wanted, while still making it clear that they are hosting. Not using the groom’s parents names is not an issue, as they usually don’t appear on the invitation (although we did put "son of… " after FI’s name as we wanted to acknowledge his mother).

Another thing you can do is to include your parents’ names on the reception card as the hosts, if you just want you and FI’s names on the invitation.  A reception card can easily say "Please join us for dinner and dancing, hosted by Mr. and Mrs. GorgesViola, Location and Time."

Post # 5
52 posts
Worker bee

oy, that is a hard one. I would talk to your rabbi/officiant, and the ketubah folk – look online for examples. Not all ketubahs mention parents, and something you can do is have both your parents names mentioned in the hebrew section, and then not in the english – kind of a compromise.


Post # 6
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Okay, I’m not "Tribe-saavy" in the least, but here goes…

I’ve never seen a ketubah that didn’t have the names of the parents on them (even if they’ve died, in which case, they’ll say so). That being said, I see no reason why you would have to put the parents names on there. I’m assuming that you’re going to get an interfaith/secular ketubah anyway, so I tend to think that if you’re going to bend 1 Jewish tradition/rule/whatever they want to call this, you should bend them all =) (isn’t that the case with most rules though?!). So if you want to put your parents’ names on there, great, do it. If he doesn’t, great, don’t do it. Unless it’ll drive you up the wall with mismatched naming conventions, and at that point, you’ll have to discuss with him which means more: to keep your parents on or to take his parents off.

My ketubah designer is very willing to whatever we want for our text — space for the rabbi or not, more than two witnesses, etc. She’ll also do custom text. We actually don’t have any Hebrew on our ketubah! My Fiance is not Jewish either, and I thought it was strange to have his name and his parents names transliterated into Hebrew. We’re using http://www.newketubah.com.

So. After all that, if it doesn’t bother you to have mismatching names, I would leave the decision to put his parents’ names on there up to him.

PS — Our wedding ceremony isn’t taking place in a religious building, and thus Emily Post instructed us to say "Rebecca’s parents request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of Rebecca and Rebecca’s Fiance…" I think it’s a little less stuffy (not sure if it’s less formal, but if we have people show up in jeans, then apparently it is).

Post # 7
12 posts
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yes- "honor of your presence" is supposed to be used if the ceremony is in a church or synagogue. I think Mr. and Mrs. Parentsofthebride or Mom and Dad Parentsofthebride invite you to celebrate the marriage of their daugher, GV, to Mr. GV is great and it’s not unusual not to have the groom’s parents named on the invitation.

The formality of your wedding can also be indicated by your wedding invitation, website (if you have one) and if you are worried about what people will show up wearing, indicate the attire.  

As for the ketubah. You are probably going to have trouble buying a ketubah online as the only thing they tend to have standardized text and only customize names and dates… There are a lot of interfaith or nondenominational ketubahs out there though so I’d recommend that the two of you look online to find texts that you feel represent you as a couple. Using a ketubah artist is a great idea but can get pricey. If you’re not planning to use Hebrew, you can find a local artist or art student who might be less expensive. Also- if you are being married by a rabbi make sure he/she is okay with the text before you finalize anything since the ketubah is the binding document in a Jewish wedding.

Post # 8
1 posts

Hi!  Not sure if you resolved this issue yet, but if your fiancee is Christian or Muslim, you could probably list him on the ketubah as "son of Abraham and Sarah", which is how the lineage of Jews-by-choice is listed.

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