Post # 1
I’m looking for a bit of advice but i must say i know the correct decision but how to go about it.
Let me start by saying i am going to get married next year to the woman of my dreams but i found out some terrible news about my future wifes sisters boyfriend.
As it turns out, the boyfriend is a covicted peadophile after grooming a child of 12 years old for a few years and ended up sleeping with her. When i found this out, it made me physically sick and to know that this monster has actually been in my home around me and my loved ones. Luckily though he left the country where i stay.
I cant for the life of me know why my new sister in-law to be stands by this monster and not sure if its down to deperation – it just makes my skin crawl.
My fiance wants what is best for her sister but i do not want this person anywhere near our special day. We have taked about it and she knows my feelings and also my fiance wants this too. We have to tell her sister that he is not welcome but then my fiance is scared that her sister choses this monster of us on our big day.
I know people can forgive and forget, but this is still very fresh and the manner of what happened is hard for me to cope or understand who could do such a thing to innocent children.
Can anyone advise the best way to go about this?
Post # 3
Yikes! I’d feel the same way as you. I don’t know a delicate way to approach this. I’d probably just be honest and say you aren’t comfortable with this person knowing his history. I don’t know if you are in the US or not, but if you are, he’s probably listed as a sex offender and if you have children at the wedding – he shouldn’t come. Best of luck!
Post # 4
@happyscot: Wow. What an awful situation! My first question is: does your fiance’s sister know this about her boyfriend? I would be surprised if she did. If this has not been brought to her attention, it needs to. I know this is not the easiest thing to discuss, but you are putting children in your family in jeopardy when he is around them. And you can’t very well uninvite him for no reason. I think your fiance should sit down with her sister and calmly tell her: “sister, I know you and Mr. Pedo have a great time together, and you are happy. But I found out some disturbing news about him, and I need to present it to you. Blah blah blah. We don’t feel comfortable having someone with this on their record around our family or at our wedding. I understand if you don’t want to be there now, but I felt it was important to talk with you about this.”
Offer to help her out… if she doesn’t know… this will probably really hurt her.
If she DOES know… that’s a huge problem, and you probably shouldn’t want either of them at your wedding.
Post # 5
@BlondeBee: Thanks for the reply.
I did since find out that he told my sister in-law that he had been accused of rape and he told her that the girl said that she was 16. When i found out i did an internet search and to my horror i found out the truth. Its bad what he told her but the truth is much more shocking.
I think she is trying to lie to herself by not believing it and saying to herself that he deserves another chance. I do myself believe that people sometimes deserve a 2nd chance by this goes way beyond that point of redemtion.
I think i must sit down with her along with my fiance and say this is just wrong.
Another thing i could do is maybe talk to the guy and tell him to stay away from the family or i will spill the beans?
Risky but what do you think?
Post # 6
Honestly it’s not your place to try to break up your sister and her boyfriend. You’ve told her what you think you know about him, and she’s a grown woman and can think for herself. She can google him if she wants, or confront him, or turn a blind eye, whatever she wants. Don’t put her in a position where she feels she has to choose between her boyfriend and you, because you may not like how that turns out. You’ve brought it to her attention, and that’s the extent of the involvement you should have. Period.
As for inviting him to the wedding, or rather, allowing her to bring him, first off, your wedding is over a year from now. I wouldn’t even worry about it for at least 6 or 8 months. A lot can change in that time; everything from the two of them breaking up (on their own, without your input) to you finding out your internet research wasn’t completely unbiased, and everything in between. There’s simply no point in making a big deal of it when it’s a year off. On the opposite side, though, you could go stirring up drama between your sister and yourself when you tell her that he’s not invited a year in advance, your sister gets extremely mad at you, they break up on their own 4 months from now, and your sister is still mad at you.
So there is absolutely nothing to gain from even worrying about it now.
If, in 8 months or so, they are still together, then decide if you want him to stay away more than you want to avoid hurting your sister’s feelings. If so, then by all means tell her that he’s not invited, but be prepared for backlash.
Post # 7
@happyscot: Are you planning on having children at your wedding, because this could be a potentially dangerous situation. I personally would not want to be around a person like this, let alone pay for their meal at my wedding celebration. I think you need to have a serious talk with your fiance and her family. Best of luck!
Post # 8
yeah sorry he would not be invited to my wedding – especially if there are going to be children around. I don’t entertain the company of convicted criminals.
Post # 9
He can’t be around children- by law. So if there are ANY children at your wedding, there’s your out. Tell him he can not be present.
Post # 10
@housebee: There will be children there and this is one of the things me and my fiance talked about and we agree strongly.
This ‘man’ is now in his young 20’s and this only happened a few years ago.
My mind if made up and he wont be coming but i worry for my fiance as it puts her in a terrible sisuation as she wants her sister to be there but when we refuse this pervert to come to our wedding, that it makes her choose. If she doesnt come to the wedding it will break my fiances heart.
Post # 11
If I were you, I would INSIST that this man not be allowed to come to the wedding. To be perfectly honest, there are no words for how much I hate pedophiles, but banning him from the wedding really is necessary because even if you don’t INTEND to have children there, it’s highly probable that they nonetheless will be there and you’ll have enough on your plate to deal with that day that you don’t want the additional burden of having to keep this pedophile away from any children who might show up. My husband and I specifically asked everyone to PLEASE not bring children to our wedding, but we still wound up with three uninvited kids because their parents didn’t respect our wishes. This happens in every wedding I’ve heard of where the bride and groom request no children.
Post # 12
@fishbone: we are actually getting married in April just didnt want to show date if someone here seen.
You are so right that i shouldnt get involved but we are like family even now. I just hate they way she doesnt waken up to how wrong this is and i would love nothing more for this guy to get out of our lives.
Guess she will have to learn for herself but could end up being lonely for her if she doesnt listen to her family.
Post # 13
If you’re having children at the wedding, he’s most likely LEGALLY not allowed to be around them anyways (depending on how long ago this happened).
Post # 14
@fishbone: I think the main reason for concern now is that although he has moved out of the country where the OP resides, he could still be visiting or around children before the wedding.
Post # 15
@happyscot: It’s truly unfortunate that your fiancee might be put in a position where she will have to choose, but the safety of children always must come first. Can you get the support of your fiance’s parents on this? Maybe they can talk some sense into the sister as to why her pedophile CANNOT be at the wedding.
Post # 16
@MoonlightRose: This animal will NOT be at the wedding. Its my fiance that im worried about cause her sister wont listen to us and dump this pervert. My fiance is heart broken at the thought that her sister would choose this animal over her wedding day. We hope that she will come (without him of course) but wont there wont be the resentment there.