(Closed) Help with unwanted guest

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4945 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yikes! I’d feel the same way as you. I don’t know a delicate way to approach this. I’d probably just be honest and say you aren’t comfortable with this person knowing his history. I don’t know if you are in the US or not, but if you are, he’s probably listed as a sex offender and if you have children at the wedding – he shouldn’t come. Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@happyscot:  Wow. What an awful situation! My first question is: does your fiance’s sister know this about her boyfriend? I would be surprised if she did. If this has not been brought to her attention, it needs to. I know this is not the easiest thing to discuss, but you are putting children in your family in jeopardy when he is around them. And you can’t very well uninvite him for no reason. I think your fiance should sit down with her sister and calmly tell her: “sister, I know you and Mr. Pedo have a great time together, and you are happy. But I found out some disturbing news about him, and I need to present it to you. Blah blah blah. We don’t feel comfortable having someone with this on their record around our family or at our wedding. I understand if you don’t want to be there now, but I felt it was important to talk with you about this.”

Offer to help her out… if she doesn’t know… this will probably really hurt her. 

If she DOES know… that’s a huge problem, and you probably shouldn’t want either of them at your wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly it’s not your place to try to break up your sister and her boyfriend. You’ve told her what you think you know about him, and she’s a grown woman and can think for herself. She can google him if she wants, or confront him, or turn a blind eye, whatever she wants.  Don’t put her in a position where she feels she has to choose between her boyfriend and you, because you may not like how that turns out. You’ve brought it to her attention, and that’s the extent of the involvement you should have. Period.

As for inviting him to the wedding, or rather, allowing her to bring him, first off, your wedding is over a year from now. I wouldn’t even worry about it for at least 6 or 8 months. A lot can change in that time; everything from the two of them breaking up (on their own, without your input) to you finding out your internet research wasn’t completely unbiased, and everything in between. There’s simply no point in making a big deal of it when it’s a year off. On the opposite side, though, you could go stirring up drama between your sister and yourself when you tell her that he’s not invited a year in advance, your sister gets extremely mad at you, they break up on their own 4 months from now, and your sister is still mad at you.

So there is absolutely nothing to gain from even worrying about it now.

If, in 8 months or so, they are still together, then decide if you want him to stay away more than you want to avoid hurting your sister’s feelings.  If so, then by all means tell her that he’s not invited, but be prepared for backlash.  

Post # 7
Member
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@happyscot:  Are you planning on having children at your wedding, because this could be a potentially dangerous situation.  I personally would not want to be around a person like this, let alone pay for their meal at my wedding celebration.  I think you need to have a serious talk with your fiance and her family.  Best of luck!

Post # 8
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

yeah sorry he would not be invited to my wedding – especially if there are going to be children around. I don’t entertain the company of convicted criminals.

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

He can’t be around children- by law. So if there are ANY children at your wedding, there’s your out. Tell him he can not be present.

Post # 11
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I were you, I would INSIST that this man not be allowed to come to the wedding.  To be perfectly honest, there are no words for how much I hate pedophiles, but banning him from the wedding really is necessary because even if you don’t INTEND to have children there, it’s highly probable that they nonetheless will be there and you’ll have enough on your plate to deal with that day that you don’t want the additional burden of having to keep this pedophile away from any children who might show up.  My husband and I specifically asked everyone to PLEASE not bring children to our wedding, but we still wound up with three uninvited kids because their parents didn’t respect our wishes.  This happens in every wedding I’ve heard of where the bride and groom request no children.

Post # 13
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you’re having children at the wedding, he’s most likely LEGALLY not allowed to be around them anyways (depending on how long ago this happened).

Post # 14
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@fishbone:  I think the main reason for concern now is that although he has moved out of the country where the OP resides, he could still be visiting or around children before the wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@happyscot:  It’s truly unfortunate that your fiancee might be put in a position where she will have to choose, but the safety of children always must come first.  Can you get the support of your fiance’s parents on this?  Maybe they can talk some sense into the sister as to why her pedophile CANNOT be at the wedding.

The topic ‘Help with unwanted guest’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors