Post # 1
First I’ll give you a quick background..
My husband and I have both been married before and have children from those marriages. My son is 9, and he has two girls 6 and 3.
So I was finally able to get hubs into Babies R Us to look around, and everything I pointed out he says “we can use mine from the girls”. This was said to the pack n’ play, the highchair, the crib, and crib bedding.
That bothers me, I don’t want to use anything that he and his ex-wife picked out for their babies. Actually they picked it out for the oldest so everything is 6 years old and a hand me down. Now I’m not to proud to use a hand me down, my Mom and I will be hitting garage sales for the baby too. BUT using their stuff feels different to me. He got his boxers in a bind when I said NO I’d much rather buy new things for OUR BABY, new things that aren’t outdated. That and alot of it has been loaned to friends who don’t keep things as clean as I like. The crib I refuse to use, I will not use it. It was manufactured in 1997, it has been in his ex’s garage forever and has mildew growing on the bottom, AND it’s been recalled. He thinks I’m full of it. I had a meltdown in the playpen aisle at BRU today, I couldn’t keep the tears back.
Am I wrong in what I’m thinking? Shouldn’t we be able to pick out new things for this baby that we’re having? Or should we just save our money and use the things he used with his daughters?
Post # 3
I’d buy new stuff too…especially the crib.
Post # 4
Never used a recalled item…. And items that are 6 years old are going to be very outdated as of safty features. and I dont know about you but a dirty play pen is a B**** to clean and never really looks the same…
Post # 5
I don’t associate inanimate objects with the people who once owned them. But if you’re uncomfortable and emotional about it and you’re not taking money away from more important purchases, buy new stuff. It’s ok to want new things for your new baby.
Post # 6
I don’t usually do that either, but I am with the baby stuff for some reason. I can use pre-owned things that I’ve bought at garage sales or borrowed and not have a problem. His oldest doesn’t help when she points at everything and says that was MINE, Mine, Mine…
Post # 7
The mildew crib concerns me. You should never use something that hasn’t been recalled either. Hopefully you will make him come to his senses.
Post # 8
I would probably feel the same way, i would want to pick out things like bedding etc and not to mention a crib, safety features have come along way since the 90’s.
Post # 9
I don’t know…maybe you could compromise and do a little of both? Baby things are often great used, if they’ve been well taken care of, because the kids don’t use them for very long before they outgrow them. Obviously, don’t use something the has mildew or is recalled 😛 but maybe you could use a few of the bigger items and then make it fit you and your relationship by getting new bedding, clothes, toys, and things like that with more personality.
Are you having a baby shower? If so, maybe you could compromise by registering for some of those things and agreeing that, if you don’t receive them as gifts, you’ll use the old ones.
Post # 10
Oh and yes for SURE get new crib and playpen, ITA.
Post # 11
Absolutely get new things when it is a health or safety issue.
But I have a feeling a lot of this has to do with the fact that his ex likely picked out those things- not so much that his eldest said “mine”.
See if there is anything that you would agree to re-use-a power wash and a coat of paint makes many things like new. It would be silly to waste good money on things thta can be used again.
Then get new bedding etc because it’s nice for the baby, not because it’s nice for you.
Post # 12
Is there a way to compromise? Are there some things that you can use, and replace things that have been recalled or aren’t in good shape? Obviously a crib that has been recalled shouldn’t be used. I can totally understand not wanting to use things that his ex-wife picked out. However I agree with pps that it’s a waste to replace things you already have. Maybe put your foot down on a few things, but agree to use some things you already have.
Post # 13
Even if it werent for the emotional history attached to these items, it really sounds like they are out of date anyway…and I 100% agree with the posts that say never (seriously NEVER) use a recalled item! You should be able to look on cpsc.gov for recalls and it will generally describe why items were recalled (often safety hazards that can potentially hurt a baby either through be trapped/pinched or lead content – 6 years was before the legislation was passed that regulated lead content in children’s products!)
And I agree with you, that there’s no reason not to look around for 2nd hand items…as long as they arent outdated or recalled. I used to work at a consignment shop and we often got baby items that were less than 6 months old and sometimes even brand new if someone got a duplicate and couldnt return the gift.)
Even if all the baby items from your husband’s first marriage were in perfect condition and not out of date, I’d probably still want to buy new! There are just some times in life when it’s nice to feel like you’re really getting a fresh start and having those items around would be constant reminder of his previous wife and their life together. He may just associate those items with his kids (not his ex) and have a hard time getting rid of them…but this is a very emotional time and I hope you can continue to talk to him and try to get him to see your side of this disagreement.
I know traditionally you only get a baby shower for your first baby, but if a lot of years have passed or you’re in a new marriage, (at least in my area) it’s totally acceptable to have a modest baby shower. Or maybe just if friends or family ask what you need, you could point them in the direction of replacing these specific objects.
Post # 14
Something with mildew or that’s been recalled – by all means – REPLACE! But everything that is in good working order – USE. It is kind of a waste of money IMO to replace it just because his ex-wife used them. The children who used them are your children now too!
Post # 15
Def don’t use the crib if it hasn’t be properly stored and has been recalled. I’d probably skip the playpen as well (if it was stored in the same conditions as the crib).
Bedding I can understand picking your own because you’d want certain colors/theme. With that exception I’d say use anything that isn’t a safety hazard/outdated though because otherwise it’s just wasteful – I mean, a highchair is just going to get covered in baby food so if you spare yourselves that expense then you can buy other things (like cute baby clothes). 🙂
Post # 16
If you are using the argument that you dont want to use anything he picked out with his previous wife then he will think you are being silly. He is thinking practically and financially that It doesnt matter who picked it out but rather if it can serve the role you need it to. But if the items are too old,recalled, mouldy, dirty and a possible health hazard to the baby then thats a perfectly great reason to get new things and you should explain it to him from that angle