(Closed) Sticky Situation, Not sure what to do…

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Should we purchase new or use his old stuff?
    By all means you should agree to purchase new updated gear : (43 votes)
    78 %
    Suck it up and use their old stuff : (12 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    661 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’d buy new stuff too…especially the crib.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4653 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Never used a recalled item…. And items that are 6 years old are going to be very outdated as of safty features. and I dont know about you but a dirty play pen is a B**** to clean and never really looks the same…

    Post # 5
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t associate inanimate objects with the people who once owned them. But if you’re uncomfortable and emotional about it and you’re not taking money away from more important purchases, buy new stuff. It’s ok to want new things for your new baby.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    The mildew crib concerns me. You should never use something that hasn’t been recalled either. Hopefully you will make him come to his senses.

    Post # 8
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I would probably feel the same way, i would want to pick out things like bedding etc and not to mention a crib, safety features have come along way since the 90’s.

    Post # 9
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I don’t know…maybe you could compromise and do a little of both? Baby things are often great used, if they’ve been well taken care of, because the kids don’t use them for very long before they outgrow them. Obviously, don’t use something the has mildew or is recalled 😛 but maybe you could use a few of the bigger items and then make it fit you and your relationship by getting new bedding, clothes, toys, and things like that with more personality.

    Are you having a baby shower? If so, maybe you could compromise by registering for some of those things and agreeing that, if you don’t receive them as gifts, you’ll use the old ones.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Oh and yes for SURE get new crib and playpen, ITA.

    Post # 11
    Member
    46589 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Absolutely get new things when it is a health or safety issue.

    But I have a feeling a lot of this has to do with the fact that his ex likely picked out those things- not so much that his eldest said “mine”.

    See if there is anything that you would agree to re-use-a power wash and a coat of paint makes many things like new. It would be silly to waste good money on things thta can be used again.

    Then get new bedding etc because it’s nice for the baby, not because it’s nice for you.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Is there a way to compromise? Are there some things that you can use, and replace things that have been recalled or aren’t in good shape? Obviously a crib that has been recalled shouldn’t be used. I can totally understand not wanting to use things that his ex-wife picked out. However I agree with pps that it’s a waste to replace things you already have. Maybe put your foot down on a few things, but agree to use some things you already have. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Even if it werent for the emotional history attached to these items, it really sounds like they are out of date anyway…and I 100% agree with the posts that say never (seriously NEVER) use a recalled item! You should be able to look on cpsc.gov for recalls and it will generally describe why items were recalled (often safety hazards that can potentially hurt a baby either through be trapped/pinched or lead content – 6 years was before the legislation was passed that regulated lead content in children’s products!)

    And I agree with you, that there’s no reason not to look around for 2nd hand items…as long as they arent outdated or recalled. I used to work at a consignment shop and we often got baby items that were less than 6 months old and sometimes even brand new if someone got a duplicate and couldnt return the gift.) 

    Even if all the baby items from your husband’s first marriage were in perfect condition and not out of date, I’d probably still want to buy new! There are just some times in life when it’s nice to feel like you’re really getting a fresh start and having those items around would be constant reminder of his previous wife and their life together. He may just associate those items with his kids (not his ex) and have a hard time getting rid of them…but this is a very emotional time and I hope you can continue to talk to him and try to get him to see your side of this disagreement. 

    I know traditionally you only get a baby shower for your first baby, but if a lot of years have passed or you’re in a new marriage, (at least in my area) it’s totally acceptable to have a modest baby shower. Or maybe just if friends or family ask what you need, you could point them in the direction of replacing these specific objects.

    Post # 14
    Member
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Something with mildew or that’s been recalled – by all means – REPLACE!  But everything that is in good working order – USE.  It is kind of a waste of money IMO to replace it just because his ex-wife used them.  The children who used them are your children now too!

    Post # 15
    Member
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Def don’t use the crib if it hasn’t be properly stored and has been recalled. I’d probably skip the playpen as well (if it was stored in the same conditions as the crib).

    Bedding I can understand picking your own because you’d want certain colors/theme. With that exception I’d say use anything that isn’t a safety hazard/outdated though because otherwise it’s just wasteful – I mean, a highchair is just going to get covered in baby food so if you spare yourselves that expense then you can buy other things (like cute baby clothes). 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If you are using the argument that you dont want to use anything he picked out with his previous wife then he will think you are being silly. He is thinking practically and financially that It doesnt matter who picked it out but rather if it can serve the role you need it to. But if the items are too old,recalled, mouldy, dirty and a possible health hazard to the baby then thats a perfectly great reason to get new things and you should explain it to him from that angle

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