Post # 1
a little background: Fiance has a group of 7 buddies that he has known since grade school. i move to (current city) in late 2008 and meet Fiance. hang with FI’s buddies and their GFs. become friends with these ladies since i am new to town and no female friends in new city. fast forward to August 7, 2010…Fiance and i get ENGAGED. call my new friends to tell them the news and ask if they will be in our wedding party. Maid/Matron of Honor seems excited about the engagement but reserved. (her and her Boyfriend or Best Friend have been together over 5 years and she desperately wants to be engaged)
planning commences and Maid/Matron of Honor constantly has excuses for not showing up to appointments and never goes to look at dresses, despite the fact i offered to go with her three different times. i call and text her asking if there is a problem and maybe wants to stepdown. she never responds. eventually she misses all of our deadlines and i catch wind that she is bashing our engagement and me inparticularly. i kindly ask her to step down but we would still like her to come to the wedding and celebrate with us (since her Boyfriend or Best Friend is one of my FI’s buddies and groomsman)
my dilemma: i really don’t want her at our shower, rehearsal dinner, or wedding. she said some really terrible things about us and me especially. my Fiance would love to not invite her and understands my feelings, but she is the Girlfriend of his groomsman.i know i said she could come, but i keep hearing stuff that she says and it is the kindas stuff you would smack someone for.
what to do??? bees, any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 3
if you invite any of the bridal party’s significant others to the rehearsal dinner or wedding, you should invite her too. how do fi and his gm feel about it? would the gm be really upset if she wasn’t invited? i don’t think it would be worth fi losing his friendship with the gm too, which he might if she isn’t invited.
i can totally understand why you don’t want her there, and that was really mean of her! i think you and fi will have to weigh your relationship with her bf and decide if it’s worth the risk.
Post # 4
Man she sucks. The groomsman will likely get pissed if she’s not invited, though. I’d just have her come to the wedding and seat her at a “bad” table far away from the head table with nobody she knew so she’d be miserable and leave early.
Post # 5
If she is a groomsman’s girlfriend, and the other groomsmen’s girlfriends are invited, she needs to be invited also.
Taking the high road is always worth it in life. There will be plenty of people for you to talk to and have fun with. Be civil, but you don’t need to spend any amount of time in her presence.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t invite her to your shower. As far as the Rehearsal Dinner and wedding go, I think you have to invite her if: 1) you gave the entire bridal party (or the majority of your guests) a date, or 2) she is living with the Groomsmen.
Post # 7
Could you maybe try talking to her about the things she said? Give her an opportunity to tell you that she only said those things out of jealousy because she desperately wants to be engaged? I’m not trying to minimize what she did because it really is pretty crappy, but I don’t know if it’s worth burning bridges for your Fiance over. I would make sure she knows that you’ve heard what she’s been saying and see what she does.
I would honestly just be the bigger person and invite her. She might not come anyway, especially if she knows you’ve heard the terrible things she’s been saying.
Post # 8
I think your Fiance should talk to his friend, the Boyfriend or Best Friend and Groomsmen. FI should as Groomsmen why ex-MOH said the things she said. Make sure he conveys that you were both really hurt by this and as a result had no other choice other than to ask her to step down and now aren’t sure if you want her to attend the wedding events since she clearly doesn’t support the union. Maybe Groomsmen will agree and still be a Groomsmen without a date. Maybe he can talk some sense into ex-MOH. But at this point, the person you should worry about is the Groomsmen since he is a true friend of your Fiance.
Post # 9
gm apologized for the dilemma and i honestly think he feels bad. i don’t want my Fiance to lose his buddy, but i can’t guarantee i will act like a lady if she continues her bad behavior. she is the type of person to wear white to the wedding or accidentally spill wine all over my dress.
i will see if Fiance can have a conversation with his Groomsmen about it. maybe he can talk some sense into this bad person.
Post # 10
Yes, you’ll need to invite her to the Rehearsal Dinner and the wedding, but nothing else if you don’t want to. That being said, I really think that you should call her out on her behavior. “MOH, I heard through the grapevine that you’ve said some terrible things about me, which really hurt my feelings. I’d like to talk to you about how I’ve offended you to warrant that, and see what’s going on. If I have done something, I’d like to see about making it right.”
Post # 11
i kinda figured i would have to invite her, ughhhhh. i will talk to Fiance tonight and ask if he can have a conversation with his Groomsmen or maybe i will finally confront the trifling b*tch. thanks for posting 🙂
Post # 12
You suck it up and invite her to everything. She is your Maid/Matron of Honor and you chose her for that position.
It sucks that she’s acting this way but YOU need to be the bigger and better person in this situation! Best wishes!