(Closed) Sticky Situation..I need help!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    A 24 year old man has no excuse for physically assalting anyone, let alone his 2 younger sisters. Having ADHD does not excuse this – most people with ADHD do not do this. 

     

    IWithout knowing all the details, my gut feeling is that you do not want this man in your wedding – and if he shows no remorse then you may not want him to even show up. How do you know he won’t be violent at the wedding. 

     

    Also why are your father and sisters enabling his behaviour?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2756 posts
    Sugar bee

    He BEAT your sisters?! This man needs to be taken to task for what he’s done. That is not okay, and someone should have had him charged and arrested a LONG time ago. I wouldn’t want anyone like that near my wedding or my family.

    Post # 5
    Member
    474 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Excitedoctbride2013:  I agree with posters… ADHD does not = beating someone. Trust me on this one. If that is his “excuse” and you all go along with it that is just allowing him to continue. Especially at age 24. Realistically, it is your groom’s decision who is standing at his side. If your groom says no, and your brother chooses not to attend, that is his problem.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    ADHD is no excuse for beating anyone – especially not when the person in question is 24 years old. He needs serious help. It’s your FI’s choice who to include in his bridal party, I’d be supportive of whatever decision he makes.

    Post # 8
    Member
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MissCalifornia:  +1

     

    Family or not, he should have been charged, one day he could take it too far and someone could end up seriously or permenantly injured. 🙁

    Post # 9
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Haha umm… who cares if your brother goes to your wedding??? He BEATS up your sisters and has beaten you as well! That is not love.

    Your family needs open their eyes and get a grasp to what is going on. They certainly shouldn’t blame you for not wanting him in your wedding. I say let your Fiance make his decision and if your brother chooses not to attend then so be it. If your family gives you guys a hard time about it then I would honestly just tell them to get over it. Being related does not excuse bad behavior and it certainly doesn’t excuse abuse.

    I understand avoiding confrontation and arguments sometimes, but other times it is warranted to confront someone. I would not lay down on this issue just to keep the peace. If anything I would be throwing a fit on the behalf of your sisters!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Excitedoctbride2013:  I understand, its tough when its family. But I think your brother needs to take responsibility for his actions. 

     

    I wold make sure that you and your fiancee show a united front. If its presented as only him making the decision then its possible that your family could end up turning against him. I would definately make it clear to your family that while you would love to have your brother there, he needs to change his behaviour – put the onus on him to change and make amends.

     

    Would your brother benefit from counselling? Is there more backstory that we don’t know about, something that could be making him lash out. Maybe this can be used as an opportunity to pursuade him to get help.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    987 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Ugh, this is even an issue? Of course he should not be in your wedding. He’s a criminal by the sound of it. Continuing to enable, heck, encourage his behavior is ridiculous.

    Post # 13
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Excitedoctbride2013:  I can understand that it is a difficult situation, but being family or having ADHD is no excuse to physically abuse anyone. There is no excuse for you to constantly forgive him and essentially look the other way while your other siblings are being abused.

    Putting that aside for a minute and looking at the bigger picture, it is you and your FIs decision who is in your bridal party. No one else should really have a say in that. I can understand your dad’s disappointment, and if your brother chooses not to be there, than that is his decision. 

    It seems that once again your brother is manipulating you and your family and making this about him. Your wedding is your day with your Fiance. It really isn’t about your brother. So try to keep that in mind when deciding what you want to do. 

    I am sorry for all that you are going through, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Excitedoctbride2013:  I don’t know if it would work in your situation, but could you make his being a groomsman conditional on him getting some therapy or anger management training? That way its his fault if he refuses, and if he agrees then hopefully itll help everyone. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    747 posts
    Busy bee

    What Fluffmallow said.  This is ridiculous.  NO one should have to tolerate physical abuse, much less from their brother.  i would absolutely not have him in my wedding, and I would calmly explain this to my mom – if she doesn’t understand then that is her decision.  It is YOUR and your fiance’s day, not a day you want family drama to ruin the memory of.  

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