(Closed) Sticky Subject

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If he is deploying, he should already have this taken care of. The military makes sure that they have all of their paperwork in order before they leave. If he hasn’t taken care of this and is about to deploy, I would be leary of being in a serious relationship with him. You need to talk to him. Just ask him if he has his paperwork switched over yet, and let him know you need copies of it, in case something happens to him. The military is very diligent in regard to the paperwork. If he doesn’t get things switched over to you or his parents, then you are going to be SOL if something happens to him. The military will only release information to whomever is on the paperwork. There is also a family service office that he should put you in contact with, but they won’t help you if you don’t have the paperwork. If you are living together and take care of his bills, etc., his bill collectors won’t talk to you either, unless you have his power of attorney. You need to be proactive on this. Just be point blank with him. You are his fiance, you have a right and obligation to know and have the corrected information.

Post # 4
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You need to talk to him about it ASAP. You guys really need to get it figured out before he gets deployed again. That is not something either of you should hesitate on and it’s definitely something he should have taken care of a long time ago.

As a fellow military Fiance, I understand the stress you are going through right now. But you guys cannot afford to wait on this.

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

wow! first..congrats on getting engaged! second…im sorry to hear that he’s going on deployment…thats never fun. i used to be navy and my Fiance is still in. he’s making a career out of it. i understand that its a touchy subject. my FI’s daughter is a sore subject for him and we usually only talk about it when he brings it up so i understand about the fact that this is a touchy subject. how much longer before he goes on deloyment? i know you can only give me a ballpark figure due to opsec but heres why im asking. if you have enough time heres one suggestion. talk to him about just doing a small courthouse ceremony before he leaves with the intent of planning a big wedding after he comes back. (its actually what we did…its just easier for me to say Fiance on here since im planning a wedding) bring up that subject. talk it over with him and discuss all the pros and cons of doing that. there is the extra pay that married service members receive while deployed called family separation pay. plus the fact of knowing you’re covered medically under his insurance should anything happen while he’s gone. while discussing this also discuss the paperwork that will need to be done so that you’re listed on his page 2 as his wife. once on that subject maybe he will bring up the topic of the ex. i hope i’ve been of some help. good luck. maybe suggest that he ask for a paternity test to be certain that his ex’s child is his. if not….well…that could help clear up alot of unanswered questions.

Post # 6
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

there is only certain paperwork that the navy makes sure the service members have taken care of. the rest is up to the sailor to take care of it on their own….if they dont…well its not the navy’s problem. fyi…you dont have to have a power of attorney….its best if you do but like i said…you dont have to have it. when we were living together before we got engaged and we deployed at separate times neither one of us gave the other one a power of attorney. we were still able to take care of the other’s things without any problem.

Post # 8
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Well here ‘s hoping for Haiti!

Everyone else is right – he needs to do it NOW.  He needs to be aware that i can take a while and he needs to be ready to explain his actions (if shes listed at dependent – someone fibbed on paperwork somewhere since they werent legally married).  If he wants to be a part of the childs life – he needs a paternity test b/c if she wants nothing to do with him (only help from his family? WTF?) she can claim that the kid isnt his and give him no access.  If he doesn’t want to be involved in the childs life – he needs to file the paperwork so the kid isnt his dependent either. (Yes I know, he’ll take a pay cut).  Doing any of this while deployed is a NIGHTMARE so his butt needs to be in offices tracking down paperwork NOW.  If he wont, I’d wonder why and rethink marrying him.

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

well since he could be leaving very soon im glad to hear you’re going to talk to him. depending on what he’ll actually be doing, afghanistan isn’t that bad. my Fiance has been on 3 deployments there. he didn’t leave the base. if you ever need to talk just send me a private message lady. 🙂 deployments are never fun no matter where they go. 🙁

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