(Closed) Stigma from having a broken engagement

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

wow.  You dodged a bullet with that one.  You don’t owe this guy any type of explanation

I had a broken engagement many years ago.  Great guy except that he couldn’t stop drinking alcohol.  I couldn’t live like that.

I never felt a stigma from it at all.  I felt relief.

Post # 3
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I said I wasn’t going to beg for his attention and I deserved someone who wasn’t going to judge me or hold my past against me.

Good for you! I’m thinking maybe this guy is a traditionalist and believes a woman should “stand by her man” no matter what? Or he wants to be the first and only person to ever propose to/be engaged to a given woman? Or he has cheated in the past and doesn’t feel it’s a break-up-worthy offense?

Whatever it is, consider yourself lucky that you found this out about him early on. Obviously you made the right choice in breaking off your engagement, and that reflects WELL on you. Spend time with your supportive friends and do things you enjoy, and forget that jerk. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Firstly, it is 100% his loss. If he can’t see past this then he doesn’t deserve you. Many people have ex’s yours just happens to an ex fiance. If anything I think this broken engagement shows how strong you are that you know you deserve to be treated right and not cheated on. This guy should respect the fact that you have enough sense of self to look after yourself.

From a slightly different perspective, my SO was engaged once before (when he was 19 and they never started planning a wedding) but she ended it not him. I found it hard when he first told me because I felt like 2nd choice or a consolation. As if he would still be with her or would rather be with her. It took me a while but he’s assured me that although I may not be his first fiance I will be his first (and only! :p ) wife.

It may be that this man feared you were still hung up on your ex or on the rebound? No matter what this reflects badly on him NOT on you. You were strong enough to end your engagement, you’re strong enough to survive this too.

 

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

What a dick! He can’t get over the fact you respected yourself enough to get out of a situation that would have made you utterly miserable? Or that you refuse to allow someone to disrespect you and the commitment they make to you?

So very much dodged a bullet on this one.

Pay this douche no heed

Post # 6
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

what?! I know so man people who did not go through with engagements, myself included.  I mean if you had you couldn’t be with him anyway since you’d be married, right? Logic!  Good luck OP, you deserve better.

Post # 7
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It’s him! NOT YOU. You will come across a lot of men who think there is something wrong with you, and it’s not true! The same stigma is out there for divorced people as well… I can’t tell you how many times I was told by men I was dating that I was “damaged goods.” They’re not worth your time and you deserve better! 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you did nothing wrong. Keep your chin up, bee! The right one will come along! <3

Post # 8
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

redmango:  I would have ended the engagement in your situation. There is nothing wrong with you or your actions. PPs are right, you dodged a bullet (both with your ex-fiance and this new guy).

Post # 9
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Good for you! This guy is a douche. You dont have to waste any more time with him.

Post # 10
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

Oh boy. I agree with the folks above me, you’re better off without him. What kind of person would judge you for recognizing a situation that wasn’t right for you and removing yourself? It seems crazy to me. You sound very logical and down-to-earth. It’s a good thing this guy showed his true colors now.

Post # 11
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

 

What an ASS. You are so much better knowing this about it now vs later. How would he had reacted if you had gone through with the marriage and then divorced?

You deserve much better. A broken engagement is nothing to be ashamed about. It takes a very STRONG person to make the hard decision and you should be proud of yourself.

You are not damaged goods. You’re a smart woman who deserves a guy who respects her.

Post # 12
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You’re better off without him. I dated someone who couldn’t get over the fact I was married before. It doesn’t change who I am so good riddance! This guy is obviously not the right guy for you. Next!!!

Post # 13
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

There’s no stigma to having a broken engagement, most people are compassionate enough to understand this. But from your post it’s unclear if he had a problem with you breaking the engagement or whether he had a problem that you’d been engaged to someone else previously. Either way he sounds like an insecure judgmental dickhead. If his issue is that you broke an engagement, the implication being you should have stuck by your ex no matter what- then he’s of the mindset that a guy can do what he wants and the woman should tolerate it, ugh, no way. If his issue is that you’ve been engaged before, then this reeks of insecurity, as in I can’t bear the thought that you ever had a life before we became a couple and I’ll be jealous of any past you have with anyone else, in fact I’ll probably at some point throw it in your face that you weren’t a virgin. Again, ugh. So either way this guy meant he has a problem with your past engagement, he’s coming off as so piously judgmental and insecure that you don’t need that shit in your life. Good for you for telling him what’s what. Don’t worry sweetie, your friends are right, it’s most definitely his loss. No guy worth your time would ever make you feel like damaged goods. 

Post # 14
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Fuck him. Close minded prick. His loss.  Way too controlling and judgemental for my taste. 

Post # 15
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

What a load of rubbish! Your friends are correct OP, his loss. 

Honestly though you are probably lucky you’ve found out early that he is a judgemental twat.

don’t let his opinion bother you because frankly, its stupid. 

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