Post # 1
I am having a bit of trouble getting my fiance and/or his mom to give me a definite guest list. I had mine done fairly early (the month of the engagement) and asked him when he thought he would have his by so we could pick out a suitable reception venue. He basically said I needed to talk to his mom about the family, which I did, and he would decide on his friends. Each time that I have touched base about it, neither have made any progress but I was given the go ahead to pick the reception venue.
The reception venue I picked out is slightly more than I wanted to spend on a reception venue but it has so many great features I figured I could save up some money before the wedding to help cover the extra cost. It can accomodate up to 250 people. I have 70 people on my guest list and so I informed him of their guest list ceiling (over double mine). His mom didn’t really have anything to say about it but he sure did. He seemed to think that it wasn’t enough and that in his family and friends people will come if they want.
I know he has a big family and a lot of people that are considered family even though they are not blood related. But on our budget we cannot afford to invite everyone. I tried to explain to him about capacity, having enough food, and the finance but I don’t know if it sunk in. I am just so frustrated because I feel like I am planning for a wedding I don’t have all the facts for and he is not willing to help. unless it is to tell me he doesn’t like something. What do I do?
Post # 3
Just make sure he knows he has only 180 people to invite, end of story, He didn’t want to give you a list before booking the venue…. Remind him that you only have 70!
Post # 4
@mrsnjemanze2b: Have you given him deadlines? Or explained that certain things (STDs) need to go out soon? Do you have a budget? I would give him a breakdown of the cost per person and show him the price difference between a 150 (about even attendance from both sides) and 250 (venue max) sized person. Most men understand the need for a guest list when they realize how much it really costs to invite their 2nd cousin, and then are better able to decide if its worth the money, and if you can afford it.
I showed my fiance a table of the total expected costs for a couple of wedding dates we were debating between (sat in august vs sun in august vs sat in march vs sun in march) and that really helped him decide if we were willing to spend the extra money to get married on a saturday in august. Your Fiance probably has no idea how much other things cost (DJ, flowers, photographer, decor, invitations ect) and hasn’t factored that into the total cost of the wedding. As much as I’m sure he would love a 50k wedding, I have no idea if thats reasonable for him to expect. And he probably thinks a wedding is only a couple thousand dollars. (I have no clue what your budget is.)
Post # 5
Thank you for your comments/ideas. I talked with his mother this week and she told me she will not have a list for me until the end of next month because she is going back to her hometown in Kenya for a month. I explained to her that I was going to send out my Save-The-Date Cards while she was gone which she was very understanding about.
As for my fiance, we went to my brother’s wedding last weekend and he happened to overhear a conversation some one was having about the cost of the flowers. He seemed very suprised at how much just flowers cost. I told him a lot of things cost more than you would think, especially when you put the word wedding in front of it. So when we were over at his parents, he was actually the one who started the wedding conversation saying, “SO how many people do we get again?”
Though I still wish I had the actual guest list in hand, it looks like it is going to work itself out in its own time. Thanks again!