(Closed) Still don't love the ring :(

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 48
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I do find this slightly insulting seen as my Fiance gave me a 1/2 carat diamond. I am made up with it! It really shouldnt be about the size of the diamond or how much it cost. It should be about the thought that goes into it. My Fiance spent months researching different rings before buying mine which really moved me. Your Fiance obviously thought you would like this ring and you must be able to understand why it upsets him to think that you don’t like it.

Post # 49
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Changing the style of ring without changing the ring might help. A custom wrap used as your wedding band would definitely change the style and give you the bling you want.

I do like the style of your e-ring (a lot), so blinging it with diamonds on a wrap shouldn’t be a huge problem with the right jeweller. Your Fiance could also help design it. A win-win situation.

 

Post # 50
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yikes. The style of ring he gave you is REALLY something you should know for sure a woman likes before buying it. It’s pretty out there and not universally well liked at all… I wonder what made him decide on that? I don’t have any advice, I only know what I would do if this were me. I’d tell him it really isn’t my style and since it’s something I am going to wear until the day I die I’d like to pick something out together that I can comfortably wear. 

Post # 51
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@DaisyBelle:  +1!

I’m all about open and honest conversations, while still being considerate of the other person’s feelings. I would be frustrated too. My fiance knew he sucked at picking out jewelery and even though we both know he would have liked to do it on his own, he was worried I would be in your shoes. That’s why we chose to pick out a ring together.

I can totally appreciate that his feelings will be hurt. I’m sure it’s upsetting, but in the same token you shouldn’t just be unhappy with your engagement ring. I totally agree with the other posters who suggested a considerate, mature discussion with your fiance and a suggestion that you choose a ring together that represent your relationship and that is to your liking.

I don’t know if this is helpful to you at all, but when my fiance and I were discussing “the ring” (before I had it) he told me that in his eyes the woman is the one who has to wear it for the rest of her life (if you’re traditional, which we are in regards to rings) so why shouldn’t it be something they aboslutely love and are excited about?

It is sad to hear a woman is given a ring that is not her style, I think it’s an important part of the “getting married” experience to feel excited and want to show off your ring. 

Based on how you described your financial situation (paying 20% of the down payment on your joint home) maybe you could even offer to help cover some of cost, if that is an issue for him, but it may make it worse; of course you know better than I do. 

Post # 52
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

@Fazza1717:  But that’s exactly the problem.  OP said that it seemed that he didn’t put a lot of thought into it!  From her update – she said “he actually only went to the first store he found and told them what he wanted to spend (my understanding is it was 2k or under)”

The money isn’t the issue here.  It’s that it sounds as though there was little to no forethought, especially considering that he got her THE EXACT KIND of ring that she told him she didn’t want – a solitaire.  Again, it’s the way he went about the purchase that seems inconsiderate.  

And then to ask her why she isn’t posting her ring on Facebook, etc as much as her friends….seems pouty of him.  If he REALLY wanted her to love her ring, you’d think he would have visited many stores, sought opinions from her friends, etc.  

This is why I suggested a calm, thoughtful discussion with him.  Only way this can be taken care of with both parties leaving feeling that they’ve been heard, and understood.  

Post # 53
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@mixtapehearts:  It’s not universally well liked? Really? Where did you read that??

Post # 54
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

would it really look that bad if you had a straight wedding band? Maybe there would be a bit of a gap, but might look alright

Post # 56
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bzbride2277:  That stinks.  I know someone else who got an engagement ring they really didn’t like, I don’t know what her FI’s feeling about it was though.  What she did was after their one year anniversary she never wore it again.  Now she only wears the wedding band which is pretty and full of diamonds.  Her now husband and friends are well off and so she was probably somewhat disapointed but it was more so that he didn’t get her the style she wanted rather than the size of the diamond which was sizable if I recall correctly.

I say go out and get a wedding band that you would love to wear alone and then eventually shelve the engagement ring or have it reset into another piece of jewlery (like a bezel pendant).  If your Fiance asks why just tell him the wedding band is the true symbol of the marriage now and you can wear the diamond closer to your heart which you would greatly enjoy.  Also then no one can “compare” rings because you won’t have one.  If they ask why tell them the same thing (w-band more important etc)

However, I would also reevaluate things and see if this is the only thing he is going to act this way about.  That way you don’t have any fiascos like the girl whose Fiance gave her a CZ QVC ring and when found out and confronted him his true colors came out which eventually ended the relationship.

 

Post # 57
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Though I actually agree with the majority (she should have what she wants), I feel some kind of way with the fact that so many people put their e-ring away never to be worn.  It sounds like a big waste of money and a slap in the face.  If you’re only going to wear your wedding band, are you/they not better off selling it at least?  

Post # 58
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

@bzbride2277:  I didn’t get a chance to read all the responses, but have you actually tried different bands with it yet? I think a straight diamond band would look fine with a ring like that. there would be a little gap, but not much.

or you could get literally any style of blinged out wedding band that you love, and move the e-ring to your right hand. lots of women do this, and hopefully your SO would be happy that you are still wearing the e-ring. 

as for your SO’s opinion on upgrades: normally I’m all for upgrades and having as many rings as you want if you both are ok with it. but in this case it sounds like he has made his feelings about upgrades crystal clear. maybe it would be easier to wait a few years and ask for an upgrade as an anniversary gift?  give it some time and maybe he’ll feel differently about it. 

Post # 59
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@womanofsubstance:  spend a little time on the ring board, that style ring just isn’t very well liked. Not that there’s something wrong with it, it’s just very particular. Definitely the style r ing you’d want to know by way of hearing it yourself that your fiancé would like before buying. 

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