- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
My FI have been together 1 year, got engaged in march. He wanted to plan for next year but I said “why wait?” -my mistake. Both of us had been married before. (He wanted to live together but I am against that, to sell my home and just live together first without having a solid plan for a wedding seemed unwise to me.) So he asked me to marry him. He happily agreed to not waiting till next year (so I thought-I see my mistake and am sorry now) and HE set the date for this Aug 2013. He helped plan, He seemed fine. Long story short, a month and a half before the wedding, he a decided to postpone the wedding. He said he was too afraid to hurt my feelings. (Mind you invitations had already been sent out, everything was all set). I felt guilty for ever saying “why wait”. Didn’t realize he was overwhelmed. -he gave me no clue. I did notice after the engagement he did change a little, less effort on his part, he pulled back just a TINY bit. Was still sweet, kind, loving. But never mentioned his anxieties about feeling rushed. YES I agree it was soon to get married but it seemed we both “just knew”. I was crushed. Our families were so excited we finally found “the right one”. It was postponed just 2 weeks ago. I have asked him a few times if he wanted to remain engaged and he assures me that he does. I was willing to give back his ring if he didn’t. We talked and now he sees he could have just told me his feelings and I would have understood and been ok with waiting till next year. He sees now how much easier telling me before it got so late would have been. I swear other than saying “why wait” I did not pressure him. He just saw how happy I was and didn’t want to hurt me. I’m glad he told me before resentment ever came. We love each other very much and are still engaged. But he wants to move in first still and I just can’t. I want to stand by what I believe. I dont want to be on a “trial basis”. I have become old fashioned. Both of us lived with our exes first and it proved nothing, obviously. It is sad for me to no longer have any joy or happiness about a wedding. I am too afraid to allow myself to after being so hurt. He says he just needs more time, he was just afraid and he promises to make me his wife. It is all so fresh, I have no doubt in his love for me. But I am afraid now. Afraid to trust in the dream. I will smile and be patient, because I feel he is worth it. He hinted at “next year”. But it’s so hard to not talk about it, I don’t want to pressure him. Ladies- learn from this. Allow them time to get used to being engaged before rushing. But if anyone can help me more forward I would appreciate it. I don’t want to ruin this beautiful relationship with my hurt.