(Closed) Still getting over my selfish feelings towards best friend….

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

Bless you. You don’t need us to tell you that:

a) She acted as she had to;

b) She’d have been there if she could have;

c) She probaly feels wretched too.

The only way for you now is forwards! Make a date to see her and get in to a routine of visiting each other and catching up. She wasn’t at the wedding, but that is far from the end of your friendship. If she is the wonderful person you think she is, then she is worth the effort (And vice versa).

Post # 4
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

copy and paste from the other thread:

Well, at least you aren’t taking it out on her and that’s good. Were you planning on having an at home reception for the people who couldn’t make it? Or maybe do a vow renewal in a few years and have her stand up with you then.

Post # 5
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with you that you are being selfish. I can understand how disappointing it must be to not have your very best friend there on the day of your wedding, and even if it isn’t her fault it’s okay to still feel hurt. What I don’t understand and what I think is unjustifiably selfish is the fact that you apparently uninvited your FI’s best friend just because yours couldn’t make it?

I’m not sure what kind of advice you are looking for. You know it wasn’t her fault, you know she feels awful about it and is sorry, and you know you are being selfish. There is nothing anyone else can say to help you. You have to choose to accept that what has happened was nobody’s fault and be a friend to her again because she never did anything to stop deserving that.

Post # 6
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I understand your hurt.  My best friend wasn’t able to make it to my wedding either.  We have been best friends since we were 10, so almost 20 years….The best thing you can do is just focus on her sincerity and reasons why she couldn’t make it.  🙂

Post # 7
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

I actually had the exact same thing happen to me. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor when she confirmed that she and her husband would attend our Destination Wedding. Then back in Sept. she found out she was pregnant and was due three weeks before the wedding. I was crushed she wouldn’t be there but was incredibly happy for them and knew it was out of her control (unplanned). 

Yes I wish she would have been there but there was nothing I could do to change it so I just moved on. And we’re having a AHR next month that she’s really looking forward to, so that’s been good as well. 

At this point you just have to put it behind you. You can’t change the past. 

Post # 8
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@Miss Tattoo: I agree with a home reception that she can be at.

Or how about a Bridal Party photo session–See if she can get a baby sitter, go get your nails, hair and/or makeup or just go to a spa. Then get dressed up in your wedding dress and have her wear something nice and go around town, being silly creating your own new memories.

Post # 9
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

I don’t think you’re being selfish, I just think you wish she could’ve been there. If you are planning on another ceremony/celebration then that’s fantasic – have her there. If not, you really have to put this behind you and focus on your friendship.

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