(Closed) Still getting over my selfish feelings towards best friend….

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, at least you aren’t taking it out on her and that’s good. Were you planning on having an at home reception for the people who couldn’t make it? Or maybe do a vow renewal in a few years and have her stand up with you then.

Post # 4
2453 posts
Buzzing bee

I actually had the exact same thing happen to me. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor when she confirmed that she and her husband would attend our Destination Wedding. Then back in Sept. she found out she was pregnant and was due three weeks before the wedding. I was crushed she wouldn’t be there but knew it was out of her control (unplanned). 

Yes I wish she would have been there but there was nothing I could do to change it so I just moved on. And we’re having a AHR next month that she’s really looking forward to, so that’s been good as well. 

At this point you just have to put it behind you. You can’t change the past. 

Post # 6
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly since you are her best friend I think she could have told you and only you that she was pregnant before the first trimester was over. At least that way you could have chosen if you would rather have a destination wedding without her or an at home wedding with her.

Post # 7
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@USAandKSA: Sorry – I completely disagree with you. Especially being someone who had a miscarriage in my first trimester. I didn’t tell my best friend about my miscarriage until well after it happened, and even if it didn’t happen, I don’t know that I would’ve told her we were pregnant until after the first trimester. You might be comfortable telling people about your pregnancy before the first trimester is over, but not everyone is.

View original reply
@Phantom: I know you’re beyond disappointed that she wasn’t able to make it to your wedding, but you can’t make her feel badly about it. You said yourself that she’s just in a different place in life and it’s tough when you were there for her major events and she missed one of yours b/c she was having one of her own.

I have a few girlfriends from college who I absolutely adore. We’ve had fantastic times in our days, but we’re all in a few different places in our lives now. One has 2 kids and has been married twice while another is just going to be getting married in the next year. No matter what, we’re all there for each other in our own ways. We might not be able to make every major event in our lives, but we make sure that we support each other as much as possible as we’re going through life. We might not all be together as often as we’d like, but when we do get together, it’s fantastic.

So make plans with your BFF – even if it involves her kids. Sometimes, that’s the only way you’ll be able to see her. I promise you that you’ll pick up right where you left off and she’ll be there for you when you’re ready to have kids as well (if you decide to have kids).The sooner you put your hurt feelings aside (she certainly didn’t get pregnant on purpose to make sure she didn’t attend your wedding), the sooner you can get your friendship back on track.

Post # 8
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i am incredibly jealous you have someone you’re that close with.  i wish i did.

Post # 9
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is a very small issue in the grand scheme of things. Be proud that you have a friend like her in your life. Smile The wedding was just one day, your friendship can last a LIFETIME!

Post # 10
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was in a wedding when I was 7 months pregnant. It was horrible. i was SO sick and so tired the entire day, and I felt so guilty because my BFF was upset that I couldn’t partake in the b-parties or go to the afterparty.It took every ounce of my energy to put on that dress and smile all night. And this was only an hour away, and I was only 7 months. I am still guilt ridden about how lame I was during the wedding day, and I know my friend still might be mad ( well, there were three of us that due the same month!). But anyway she probably feels awful that she couldn’t be there for you.

It isn’t that people think their babies are more important, or that they “have better things to do” because they are pregnant (not that you said that) but being pregnant just takes such an exhausting physical toll on your body. Ten days before the due date was probably the scariest time in her life-what if she went into labor and delivered there in a strange hospital without her OB?! Or worse, on the plane? Seriously before I got pregnant I was one of those people that was like “just suck it up” but now I know I had no idea what I was talking about. lol.

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