- 9 years ago
- Wedding: January 2011
So, I’ll try to make the background quick. I got engaged in March of 2010, and by July we had decided to have a destination wedding. Talked to my best friend in the whole world, who is married with a toddler. I asked her to be my matron of honor, she accepted, and I was ecstatic. She (and her family) would be the only non-family members present other than my fiance’s best man (his best friend).
Six weeks later, in late August, she pulls me aside, tells me she is pregnant (14 weeks along) and is due ten days before our wedding, so she won’t be able to attend after all. I told her I was so happy for her, and not to worry about it, yadda, yadda. So we nixed the maid of honor/best man, and had only immediate family at the wedding.
My problem is that months after the wedding, I am still inexplicably hurt and sad that she couldn’t be at my wedding. I KNOW she didn’t do it on purpose. I KNOW she felt conflicted that she accepted even though she knew she was pregnant at the time and would not attend (waiting for end of 1st trimester to announce). I KNOW she was upset that she had to back out, but as I look at pictures and remember my wedding day, there is this huge hole where my best friend was supposed to be. We have shared every major milestone for each other for the last 15 years, and it hurts that we weren’t able to share this huge one of mine. I’m not that close to my family (parents and one brother–we get along fine, but don’t talk very often and don’t have deep conversations), so she has been the person who has been with me emotionally and has supported me (and vice versa–her parents live overseas) for so long.
And compounding my selfish thoughts, we haven’t seen each other much since the wedding, since she has two kids under 3 and runs her own small business. She’s at a different stage in life and simply doesn’t have the time to spend together like we used to.
I want to get over this, stop wallowing, and be a good friend to her again, even if our get-togethers are much less frequent. She has brought up several times how bad she feels, so I don’t want to re-hash it again with her. She’s a wonderful person, and I need to figure out how to get past it. Thanks for listening.