Post # 1
Hello Bees! I’m in an etiquette conundrum. Over the past few months my Maid/Matron of Honor ended up being a huge disappointment and was removed from the wedding. Things got nasty and word spread from her side of things. I didn’t feel the need to run around town and tell my side because I don’t think that would be appropriate behavior. Due to the falling out, some mutual “friends” decided they no longer wanted to be connected and defriended me on Facebook, social groups, etc. Now, etiquette says that anyone who received a save the date is supposed to get an invite. Knowing these people chose to disconnect themselves from me, do I still need to send them invites? I could talk to them and tell them my side (I got royally screwed) but I don’t think I should really have to do that if they were true friends. I learned a hard lesson on who is really supporting me through my wedding and who is not, that’s for sure. I just need to know if I can spare the awkwardness of sending them invites or not. Thanks!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t waste my time. They clearly picked sides!
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Agreed, they decides to unfriend you before knowing your side so I wouldn’t.
Post # 6
You don’t owe anyone an invitation. Unless there is someone you really WANT to be there and feel like explaining your side too I would say don’t give it another thought. Also kudos to you on being the bigger person and not getting caught up in the drama. It couldn’t have been easy to go through all of that while wedding planning.
Post # 7
If they unfriended,I would not invite, regardless of Save the Dates. Sorry, them!
Post # 8
@jcol1984: Under no circumstances should you send them an invitation.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t, they obviously don’t care enough about you to talk to you about it before deciding they don’t want you in their life…. why would you want them at your wedding?
Post # 10
i would normally weigh on the side of etiquette but in this case, i wouldn’t waste the stamp.
Post # 12
@jcol1984: I normally prefer to err on the side of etiquette, but I agree with PP that these girls should not be invited. They’ve made their position on your “friendship” very clear. I’m sorry you went/are going through this, but good for you for staying above the fray and not sinking to the level of your ex-MOH!
Post # 13
Thank you all for the input! I didn’t want to invite them after I found out their stance, and now I know that I don’t have to invite them after all. Sometimes it’s hard to know what the right path is with so many conflicting wedding rules. I appreciate your help!
Post # 14
@jcol1984: Asking someone to save the date and then not extending an invitation is a friendship-ending insult. If you want to put the final nail in the coffin of your friendships, don’t invite them. However, if you do hold out hope of rekindling friendship in the future, you should still invite them. They may decline, but then at least that’s on them.
What on earth happened with your MOH? Did she try to seduce your fiance or something? I can’t imagine what would be so terrible that I would want to remove one of my attendants from the wedding.
Post # 15
@jcol1984: Hell no, I would NOT want someone there who clearly wasn’t a true friend! I understand it may feel weird if you sent them save the dates but they would probably decline your invitation anyway. I’d rather be the one shutting someone down than being shut down lol.
Post # 16
@jcol1984: I think when they have very deliberately and publically severed ties with you that you are no longer obligated to invite them. They have indicated your friendship is unwelcome.
I have a very dim opinion of anyone who hears one side of a gossipy story and condems another and it shocks me how often it happens. This is behavior that should be left behind in middle school.
So, etiquette wise, I think you’re fine not sending them an invitation. The only reason to do so would be if you wanted to try to salvage the friendships by making the gesture.