(Closed) Still Not Engaged After 4.5 Years… What Should I Do?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@jtaylor18:  When did you last talk about it and what was said?

Post # 4
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Talk to him. Express your feelings on the situation in a non-accusatory manner and listen to what he has to say. Talk about your life goials, your values, and your desired timelines, and ask him about his. If your realtionship is ready for marriage, you should be able to have this conversation without issue. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ll tell you what my fiance told my friend (her boyfriend bought her ring two years ago): The more you bring up him proposing, the more he will want to put it off so that you are not pressuring him into it. Only you know if it is worth sticking it out to wait for him to propose. If not propose yourself or move on. Good luck!I hope he prposes to you soon : )

Post # 7
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you’ve been together this long and can’t even talk about it, that is weird. If you both know you want to be together forever you should be able to Talk about it…

 

You should propose to him!

Post # 8
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@jtaylor18:  I wouldn’t want to walk on eggshells anymore!  I certainly understand your frustration!!!

Post # 9
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

 @OtterHalf: um wow that’s childish and f**ed up. I wouldn’t advise OP to consider that acceptable behavior in her relationship.

 

OP: Talk to him about it. Make sure he knows how much it bothers you. Get him to give you a reason why it hasn’t happened and an estimate for when it will happen. After you talk to him, take some time alone to think about it so you can figure out if his reasons are just excuses and he’s just stringing you along.

I’m not accusing your SO of anything, but it’s not unheard of for a guy to buy a ring thinking it will be buy him more time in the relationship and get the woman to shut up for awhile.

 

Post # 10
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@jtaylor18:  If it doesn’t happen by Xmas, you should bring it up again. A year is a long time!

I would try to be as calm and non-accusatory as possible, and try to get to the bottom of WHY he won’t propose.

A relationship is a 2-way street and I think it’s unfair that women need to walk on eggshells while waiting until the guy is magically ready. As long as you’re not nagging, I don’t see why you can’t bring it up. You deserve an answer.

 

Post # 11
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I dont get why he’s not ready, its been 4.5 years and he’s 36, if he doesn’t know after 4.5 years if he wants to get married then I think thats the answer maybe he’s just that guy that doesn’t believe in marriage? ( i don’t know him, only from your post so i could be wrong), i mean its not like your asking him to propose after a month of dating its been 4.5 years! Good luck will be waiting for updates!

Post # 12
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@VAwife:  …..what? How exactly am I telling her to put up with any childish behavior? She clearly said that when she brings it up they fight….so clearly that isn’t working. My other suggestions were to propose herself or leave.

Post # 13
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I think you should ask him why is he so angry when you bring up the ring? What part of the conversation piece makes him so angry? Tell him you are hurt that he has had it for a year and not yet proposed. I would be so upset if I were you so you are right in feeling how you feel. You have waited long enough.

Post # 14
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hate to say this, but it sounds like he’s just putting you off.  If he wanted to marry you, he would. 

Post # 15
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@oneofthesethings:  +1, as a waiting bee myself, i cant see it taking a year plus just to ask. i think if a guy is ready that ring box wouldve been burning a hole in his pocket as soon as he got it. it sure doesnt take a year to plan a proposal unless he plans to take you to the far ends of the earth to do this. if he gets upset when you bring it up, and has been holding onto it this long i think its safe to say hes not ready to marry.

i wonder the circumstances of how you came to know about the ring. did you shop for it together? did he bring up marriage first?

edit: just re-read. it couldve been that he went along with buying a ring to make you happy. but wasnt interested in really sealing the deal.

Post # 16
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@jtaylor18:  What, exactly, does he need time for? I think you need to get to the bottom of that question first. Find out what his marriage barriers are and work on it from there.

The topic ‘Still Not Engaged After 4.5 Years… What Should I Do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors