(Closed) Still not over him.. a year on.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

The first step for you is communicating your needs in bed to your Boyfriend or Best Friend. No guy likes to hear that you don’t like what he’s doing, but it never helps not to say it. Obviously put it nicely and gently, but definitely put it out there. Storytime: when Fiance and I started dating, when we would kiss, he would rub his tongue, I kid you not, on the front of my teeth where they meet the gums. Talk about unappealing! (whoever told him that was a good idea needs a serious talking to, btw) but after a conversation about it, and some practice, he is now the best kisser I’ve ever been with.

With regards to the rut, all couples have a honeymoon phase that eventually quiets down. That doesn’t mean you don’t love one another, it just means your hormones aren’t running amok anymore. That’s normal. That’s healthy. Obviously, if you’re not attracted to him at all that’s a problem, but things do change over time in every relationship. 

You definitely shouldn’t bother with this other guy though. I think this is a classic case of wanting what you don’t have simply because you don’t have it. He’s not worth your time if you left his apartment feeling dirty and used and he never contacted you again after that. 

Post # 4
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You definitely shouldn’t even give that other guy the time of day, so please stop letting him into your thoughts! Just because you’ve lost weight (I’m sure you look fantastic) he probably still won’t want to be in a relationship with you..and I mean that as nicely as possible. Sure, he may want to sleep with you but I don’t get the vibe that he’ll drop his gf for you. It seems like you were just a friend with benefits, seeing him just once a week for a very short time and then you say you were falling in love…and he started to pull away.

As far as your Boyfriend or Best Friend goes — I’m sorry but you will probably never have that beginning passion with him ever again. I think there are some couples who are passionate for their entire lives buuuuut for the most part I think for most the passion tends to fizzle. Do I still love to make love to my FI? Do we still have great sex sometimes? Absolutely! But is it like when we first met, when we didn’t know eachother as well, when things were all new? Absolutely not.  You’re definitely not the only one who feels this way.
Yeah, I totally wish we still had that new love feeling…..but I’m actually very thankful for my relationship the way it is, after 3+ years together. Instead of crazy passion and excitement I get comfort and I feel secure. I know that we’re in it forever and I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything.

Post # 5
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@S2013:  

+1

That giddy feeling at the start of a relationship doesn’t usually last forever. That’s normal. It’s also somewhat normal to feel in a rut. When you have responsibilities (job, kids, pets, sporting commitments ect) you get into a routine, becuse you need to.

It’s not healthy thinking about mr. pilot so much. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in you romantically, and you are in a relationship. Do you love your SO? I didn’t get that impression. If you don’t, leave him. It’s not fair to either of you. If you do, work at it. As for the sex, the only way to change things is to tell him what you like (in a gentle way)! He’s not a mind reader, just show/tell him while you’re having sex. He’ll get the hint.

Post # 6
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@vanillacoconut89:  i agree with pp regarding your current relationship and how to make it better. 

as for the pilot, he was a fling.  the only reason you still think about him is because you had no closure.  you still have this “what if” mentality.  he stopped calling and you don’t know why.  period.  that doesn’t mean that he is the one.  that just means that you need answers.  he has moved on and that is probably why he stopped communicating with you. 

don’t dwell on the past.  if you do, you will never move forward.

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