Post # 1
So my oldest brother is very non-social. He goes out of his way to avoid family things and social events in general. But I really want him to be at my wedding. I even went so far as to write a sentimental e-mail telling how much it would mean to us if he was there. I feel bad for him because I know that social outings are really difficult for him, but I just wish he would make the effort. He keeps saying that he won’t know if he is able to make it until much closer to the wedding because he is trying to finish his thesis and he says he won’t know how long it will take until it is done. But I think he is just using it as an excuse to not come. Do you think I should just get over the fact that he is not coming or keep trying to convince him? I am kind of worried that the more I pester him the less likely he is to come. 🙁
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear that, I think you can keep on trying to encourage him to attend but be prepared if he does not. Maybe ask him if he can attend just the ceremony if he does not want the interation of the reception
Post # 4
I feel for you. I think that the best you can do is to let him know how important it is to you and hope that he’ll make the decision to come, despite his discomfort or social anxiety.
I had a conversation with my brother the other day, who will be attending my wedding, but who was talking about spending the night before at his friends over an hour away (so he could party) and coming back before the ceremony. This really upset me since he should be at the rehearsal dinner. He did the same thing the night before my dad’s wedding after the rehearsal dinner going back to his apartment to hook up with a girl, and then didnt have a ride back to my parents when he should have been getting ready. We have already had a huge fight about that night, and I decided I didn’t want to fight this time. I just told him that it meant a lot to me to have him there and I hope that he could find a way to be there and stay with my other siblings the night before the wedding. I said that I didn’t want to fight though, and wasn’t going to stress out about it. He’ll make the decision he wants to. I’d rather him not be there, than him being physically present but angry or resentful.
Post # 5
I would feel sad, too. I definitely think he’s making excuses with the thesis.
The more you “pester” him, the pressure he will feel to come, which it sounds like might backfire. I would keep him in the loop about the wedding and let him know closer to the date that you’d really like him there, but at the end, you can’t make him go, no matter how much it might mean to you.
I’m not sure what your wedding will be like, but is there a way you could give him a job at the wedding? Maybe he might feel less awkward if he was there for a specific purpose rather than just to hang around. That way he could be there but not feel like he had to mingle.