Post # 1
bees…i don’t know what to think. about a week ago i made a post about going on vacation and celebrating our 4 year anniversary and the possiblity of an engagement. well…it didn’t happen. 🙁
we had a wonderful time on our vacation. i’ve been following mr. bee’s plan and not speaking of wedding related things. i really honestly thought it was going to happen. and now i’m just feeling really hurt, upset, and a little bit mad.
my bf is a wonderful guy. i know i am lucky to have him. he takes really good care of me. infact, he paid for most of our trip because i work at a low paying job and i’ve had alot of things go wrong on my car.
we have been living together for 2 1/2 years now. i don’t understand what he is waiting for. we talk about the future. he tells me he wants to be with me and get married. we talk about having children. he tells me he loves me all the time. what is he waiting for?
i’m getting tired of people asking me when is it going to happen. i’m getting tired of people telling me that i should give him an ultimatum. i’m tired of people telling me that he’s not ever going to marry me and i’m wasting my time. i’m getting tired of people saying that i need to “man up” and propose to him. its really starting to hurt and as much as i try to dismiss those thoughts, its getting harder not to.
well i could go on, but i won’t bore you. thank you for listening. i feel a little bit better letting it out.
Post # 3
Wow. I could have written that myself. It’s the story of my life!! I’ve been dating my b/f for 3 years now, living together for one. We also talk about our future all the time, and he promised that an engagement would happen shortly after we moved in together… But yet, I’m still ringless.
It’s so frustrating, I can totally agree with you on that. After a while you start wondering if he’s telling the truth, or wonder if maybe he’s freaking out a little cuz he KNOWS what he has to do now, but he’s scared or nervous. Just be honest with him. I recently told my b/f: “Look, we can talk about this ’til we’re blue in the face, but it’s not gonna make it happen. We can only talk about this so much until we get to a point where we have to do it. So why don’t we put some of our words into action?” My b/f’s response wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for, as he said: “Interesting query!”. WTF is that supposed to mean.
Anyhoo, just be honest with him. Tell him what you expect and ask if he’s on the same page.
Post # 4
Oh sweety I feel for you! It’s the worst when you totally think it’s going to happen and it doesn’t. Especially when you’ve been together for so long and you’ve both told each other you want to get married…it’s like…what’s the hold up? Have you talked about a timeline at all at some point or have you just not mentioned it or brought it up in a really long time? All I can say is I think a lot of people feel your pain and just continue to be patient because it could happen when you least expect it and as long as he treats you right that’s important – don’t worry what other people say, they don’t know your relationship and only you can know how long you are willing to wait for him. I know it is so easy to feel powerless but in the end we are the ones with the power to stay or go. hugs!
Post # 5
ohh that is the worst feeling, thinking that it is coming and then it doesnt!
He is talking about it often so that is really positive… the more they talk about it, the more it is on his mind.
I agree with Maggierose, do you two have a timeline? I know its hard to do MrBees plan and not talk about marriage, but I guess that sometimes you need to have a few hard discussions about what timeline you have in mind and what they have in mind and discuss it before you put the plan into action.
Post # 6
I feel for you! That’s definitely the story of my life too!
I’m sick of waiting and there’s no one to complain to because everytime I try to tell someone they’re convinced that I’m desperate for a ring. What if I’m not desperate, I’m just sure he’s the one?
Post # 7
I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. I had those same thoughts recently.
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat girl! Same dating record, really really thought it was going to happen recently and NOPE. Nothing. My SO could tell something was up with my mood so I admitted to him that I thought he was going to propose and the reasons why I was so sure it was going to happen. He responded by saying he felt like a total ass for not realizing it was a good opportunity and that he really does want to. So instead, he asked me to go ring shopping with him this weekend.
As nice as that sounds…..all it does is confirm that he doesn’t have any plans or hasn’t even thought about putting together plans to propose. It’s a step in the right direction at least so my advice to you is to explain things simply and logically from your point of view. This is a two-way street and dammit we should have a say in the process too! 😉 😉
Post # 9
No real advice for you here, just wanted you to know I feel your pain! Our 5 year anniversary was just a few weeks ago and I was convinced it was going to be then… It’s hard not to set yourself up on those big occasions. Turns out, he hasn’t even bought the ring yet!! Guess I’ll be on the list for a while… I’m tired of the questions too, but don’t let other people get you down. We’re here for ya when you need to vent!
Post # 10
TinyTina I am in the same boat as you, we just had out 5 year anniversary in May.
For our anniversary we went to a very fancy and expensive resturant downtown, he was wearing a suit and I was wearing a dress. I kept on thinking “Ok after dinner, he’s going to do it” it didn’t come, then I thought “after drinks and cake he is going to do it” it never came, then I thought “well he’s shy maybe he is going to do it in the hallway on the way to the car, or in the car” Nothing! I was devistated. To make matters worse, not even a week after this eppisode his sister (who has been with her boyfriend for like 10 minutes) gets engaged.
I am still upset about it and I am trying to to take it out on him, but danmit it is hard! I am currently trying to do Mr. Bee’s plan, not talking about it, making myself busy, Also he knows we won’t be moving in together until we are engaged and I want to move out before Christmas so I have been talking about “My appartment” a lot and how I need to go buy a couch for “My appartment.”
Post # 11
thanks for your words ladies.
@maggierose: we kindof had a timeline. we talked about july 9th, 2011. that would be our 5 year anniversary. we were pretty set on it until my cousin unknowingly took my “make believe” wedding date. after i found out they were getting married on that day, i kindof gave up all hope. we don’t have a new day set. i plan on trying to talk to him about it again. its just so hard to bring up the subject because i don’t want to seem like i’m nagging him.