(Closed) Still plagued by nightmares with the ex in them

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That sounds like a horrible nightmare!  I’m sorry to hear about that.  If you want to get rid of them, you could always learn to become a lucid dreamer!  (Lucid dreamers train themselves to be “conscious” when they’re dreaming and can actually control the outcome of dreams.  One way for the average person to attempt this is to write down their dreams right away in the morning and then read them just before bed.  Then if they have a recurring dream, their consciousness will “recognize” that they’re dreaming and become alert without actually waking up.  At least that’s how I understand it.)

Before I graduated college, I used to have nightmares that I flunked out of a core class and couldn’t graduate on time and lost my job offer.  Those were the worst, because they were realistic enough that I’d wake up and wonder if any part of those dreams were true.

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you are having these nightmares. If there is something stressful (good or bad) going on in your life, that may be contributing to them. I suggest that you might get some counseling to see if you can find a way to resolve this.

Post # 5
33 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh that’s so terrible and frustrating! When he’s in 20 years worth of your conscious memories, I can see how he can sneak into your dream world fairly easily…

I’m no dream expert, but I figure the advice to try counseling is a good one — I find that suppressed fears and anxieties are the first things to pop into my dreams. Bringing those out with the help of a professional might be an effective way to also rid yourself of them for good!

Best wishes!!

Post # 6
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

What a jerk!!! Nobody should have to put up with that crap!!

I took a class in college on the unconscious. It covered dreams, self-hypnosis, meditation, etc… Two things I learned that have helped me with a very similar problem… 🙂

1) As others have said, this is probably not about him at all, but it’s a manifestation of something else that is stressing you out or scaring you on some level in your waking life. One thing you can do to make these awful dreams go away is to think about the emotions you experience in the dreams and then write in detail about the emotions. From there, just write anything that comes into your head.  A lot of times, real life things will occur to you that make you feel a similar way to the dreams. These could be the cause. Vent about these things, even if it’s just in writing.

2) If you can sieze control at all in your dream, look straight at them and know that they can’t hurt you, no matter what they do. (This works equally well in running away from bad guy dreams. Just stop running, let them catch you and stare them in the face.) When you decide not to be scared, your brain takes it as a cue that it can’t use those things as a symbol for your stress anymore.

Good luck!!!

Post # 7
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I totally feel where you are coming from! Yucky situations from my past pop up in my dreams too long after they’ve been reconciled in my waking life. Some ways I’ve dealt with it:

1. That you are dreaming about your ex does NOT mean that you are not over him. You are. But he is the image your subconscious uses to express to you those fears and anxieties that we all have. So maybe these dreams are less important than you imagine and not worth getting pissed off about.

2. You can’t control the subject of your dreams, but you can change how you react in them. Resolve not to be beaten down before you go to sleep. I have tried this in my own life and seen a difference. I still have bad dreams, but they end less badly, and in turn I am less affected by them in my waking hours.

Good luck and I hope you feel better.


Post # 8
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I totally understand where you are coming from. In slightly different circumstances I had to move away for a job in order to professionally qualify as jobs were so limited at home. I hated where I worked. Nothing was good enough, they were money grabbing gits and took advantage of their staff. I handed in my notice at the earliest opportunity (a week after qualifying) and really hacked them off. I was shouted at on the phone for breaking my contract.

To this day I have nightmares that my current place makes me go and do locum work there and I’m told off the whole day for not working fast enough. Visiting my aunt (who I lived with at the time) and being in the area again still brings a sick feeling to my stomach

I manage to wake myself up from them, but only after the dream is ‘finished’ don’t have much advice to offer I’m afraid x

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