Still 'pressure' from Society to get married?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
8968 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

calliekalico2 :  Sounds more like you are surrounded by mean, narrow-minded people. I’m pretty old and I guess MAYBE like 35 years ago, I MIGHT have heard 70-year olds refer to someone as a “spinster.” MAYBE. Even if so, those people are long dead and I guarantee I have never even heard the word used since then, and never — literally not one time — heard anyone called an “old maid, or man-hating shrew.” If I lived in such a backwater area that this was commonplace, I would try to be the change.

Post # 17
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

Daisy_Mae :  maybe spinster is out of date, but I def hear “cat lady” to refer to a woman who lives alone, be it through divorce or never marrying. I agree people who think this way are totally lame and I don’t associate with them more than I have to.

Post # 18
Member
1324 posts
Bumble bee

Things have definitely improved. My mom still had to pay spinster tax since she was over 25 and unmarried. So improvement. Most people I know have had kids without being married so that’s also great progress. Eventhough it seems that it’s more individual that asks the questions it is formed by society. It’s still cheaper to take a hotel room for 2 people than for one and the expectation is that you bring a date. 

Post # 19
Member
9868 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I grew up in a small, religious town and, while left as soon as I turned 18, I know my friends who stayed felt or still feel a lot of pressure to get married. It seemed like as soon as you graduated high school the pressure was on to find someone and get married right away.

Outside of my hometown, I think there’s less pressure but it’s still there. My husband and I dated for 7 years before getting married and were constantly asked about when we would get married. We were so young, I don’t know why people thought it was so bad or weird that we were just enjoying dating.

And I think some of that pressure actually comes more from the pressure to have kids, and getting married is seen as the first step toward that.

Post # 20
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

catapple :  It was just after Casey Anthony was acquitted.  If it had happened before that, he wouldn’t have been charged.  Or if he’d been able to afford an attorney, instead of the Public Defender, he wouldn’t have been steamrolled.  

The attorney who took the appeal took six years to get everything lined up and the DA still fought tooth and toenail saying that he was lying and the experts weren’t (in spite of having presented papers on the topic).  They also found out that his civil right had been violated by the PD not bringing in any experts at all on his behalf.

Post # 21
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

candy9188 :  It they are in their 40’s and 50’s, that was a completely different generation (I married at 50). There wasn’t as much pressure to marry young. Things seem to have gone backwards a bit.  

Post # 22
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

 I’m from Iraq and in my culture many women get married between 16 to 25. I’m 29 and still single and I’m getting nothing but pressure from my aunt’s to get married. Not my parents mind you there perfectly happy with me being single until I’m ready to find the one and everything bites with my aunt’s it’s another story entirely. It’s gotten so bad that my once favorite aunt can’t even say 5 words to me without screaming about how I’m going to die alone.

Post # 23
Member
34 posts
Newbee

MissMul :  HUGE pressure. Before I got involved with my fiancé, a man I worked with told me I must be a lesbian because I wasn’t married and it was weird. Well that logic doesn’t make sense seeing as how I had boyfriends previously, I just happened to be single at that moment. Not everyone is ALWAYS in a relationship at every point in their life. But it wasn’t just him , mostly friends and family .

 

What they didn’t grasp is that I worked full time , had my own perfect little house that I looked forward to going home to after a long day of work to my dogs and a crappy 80’s horror movie. I truly was happy . If I had never met anyone, I would have been happy living the rest of my life like that . From personal experience, if a woman is single it’s a problem and she better settle down asap once she hits a certain age . Single man ? No questions asked. He’s probably happy.

Post # 24
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I wish it was “silent judgement” lol. It’s more like blatant judement. A couple years ago, I had just started a new job, and one of the higher ups took me out to lunch. He asked me if I was married, I said no, and then he asks, “Oh, why not? Are you lesbian?” undecided I’ve had married friends say things about mutual friends like, “She’s never going to find anyone. I really think she’s going to end up alone. She’s too old to meet someone now.” I stopped talking with these women because they’re mean and it’s absurd to assume that a single 30 year old will never meet anyone.

I left a job a while back when I started graduate school. On my last day, a coworker pulled me aside and said, “Are you sure going back to school is the right decision? Don’t you ever want to get married? You have to make sure you priortize getting married.”

surprised It never fails to amaze me how people feel free to throw their opinions around.

Post # 25
Member
1324 posts
Bumble bee

The amount of times at word I’ve heard the following words “well…you don’t have kids” in the most condescending tone. No one has judged me directly for not having kids but it has been made clear that I can’t know anything about anything and my life is easy. 

Post # 26
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

calliekalico2 :  I’m totally a cat lady already and I’m only 30! Hey, at the end of the day, these two cats give me more happiness than anyone in the world! I’d rather be alone and happy with animals than with a man and unfulfilled ☺️

Post # 27
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

blondie603 :  i hear you.   Last night Treasure slept under my hair as if she were a kitten.   I woke up with 18 pounds of purring kitty who would knead my neck, dermabraid my cheek and purr me back to sleep.

Post # 28
Member
34 posts
Newbee

vienna87 :  omg I can’t believe I’m not the only one that had a man assume I was a lesbian because at that moment I wasn’t involved in a serious relationship. I was only 30 too at the time . 

Post # 29
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

There definitely is still pressure to get married! I know someone who’s devastated by the fact that she hasn’t gotten married yet.

Post # 30
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

bywater :  I love it!!! 18 lbs!? That’s big kitty! I woke up to a little peanut of a cat on the pillow next to me. The purrs are so conforting!

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