(Closed) Still Reeling From Broken Engagement – Need Advice

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

No contact is REALLY key.  If you’re having trouble, check out the Getting Past Your Past (http://www.gettingpastyourpast.com/) blog.  She has great advice on the subject and the community is incredibly supportive as well.

Also, try not to see this “other woman” as your replacement.  I ended an engagement after 5 years with my ex, and he slept with 6 girls in the months immediately following our split.  It was very hard for me to take at first, even though I had no desire to be with him.  It’s hard feeling replaced, but that’s not what is happening… he’s TRYING to replace you, which is a hell of a lot different than actually replacing you.

Post # 18
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@juhneenee: Totally agree.

Because also, I am willing to bet any money there will be a point when he comes back around.  Asking questions.  To “catch up” and he might even suggest you meet up.  Or whatever the case may be.  Shut. It. Down. 

You made the right decision, now you need to empower yourself to be confident in it. 

Post # 19
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve been there and understand.  No contact is a “must”.  As far as mutual friends you have to nderstand that you may need to back off from that and in some cases let them go. It will make the process easier for you.

More importantly, walking away isn’t easy. Not many people have the guts to do that. You should be proud of yourself and happy that you followed your instinct.  I know it wasn’t easy but cheers to you!  Hang in there.  It gets easier.

Post # 20
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve been there and understand.  No contact is a “must”.  As far as mutual friends you have to understand that you may need to back off from that and in some cases let them go. It will make the process easier for you.

More importantly, walking away isn’t easy. Not many people have the guts to do that. You should be proud of yourself and happy that you followed your instinct.  I know it wasn’t easy but cheers to you!  Hang in there.  It gets easier.

Post # 21
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that you need to take a step back.   I found that those exes that I stayed in contact with made it harder to move on and take inventory of what I needed to do in my own life.

I am guessing the girl is just a way to distract him from what has happened.  I would be shocked if that relationship lasted; everyone needs to work through their emotions before  being really ready to move on.

Focus on why it wasn’t going to work.  It wasn’t a decision you took lightly. 

Post # 23
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@SnugglesKD: I’m a bit late to the game, but I think the PPs have pretty much said all I could have said, and more (and, more elouently, at that! :P). Just wanted to send *hugs*, and best wishes..

Stay strong, sweetheart. We’re all here for you whenever you need us.

Post # 24
Member
20 posts
Newbee

To the OP. Like you, I just ended an engagement. Leading up to it, I was filled with doubts, worries, and fear. I felt like it would be a weight lifted from my shoulders…and for a short period it was. But then reality set in and I realized that I was not only losing my Fiance but also my best friend of 3 years. To compound the trauma, we’ve lived together for 1 of those years. It was difficult because my ex Fiance is an amazing man, but just not the one. There were things that just didn’t click for us and we knew it. I’m finding though, that each day it gets easier and easier. I took off my ring and finally broke the news to friends, family, and vendors. Let’s keep each other in our prayers. When I broke off the engagement, I felt like it was a test from God….because in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I was scared to let him go. I felt like God was testing me to see if I would trust him enough to leave my Fiance and have faith that He has someone else for me that will be the one. Know that you’re not alone and that what you did took courage! I’ve stopped crying (finally) and now I’m getting past blaming myself. Eventually, as PP have said, it will just be a blip on the radar. Good luck and PM me if you want to talk.

Post # 25
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i am so sorry to hear this, sending thougths and hugs your way. Maybe a bit of distance from him is just what you need. If Mr. Rabbit and I split I would not be able to be friends, at least not for a while. I would also be really hurt if he started a new relationship so soon after the end of the engagement unless his feelings for another woman caused the end of our relationship. My advice? Lots of girl time, find something you’ve wanted to do like dance lessons or a good book, and enjoy the family and friends you have around. Last thing you wanted to hear, but time really will help.

Post # 27
Member
6033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@SnugglesKD: ((hugs))…..Some people need someone else to keep thier attention to get over someone else. I would agree with a pp who said he is probably rebounding. And considering the little time he was not in a relationship and the short amount of time spent before it became “serious” I really would not think too much of it. Try and focus on yourself and remind yourself that things will happen exactly as they are meant to happen. Maybe this new girl is in the picture to prevent you from falling back into anything with him and to give you the push and time you need to really move on. It does get easier but I would also agree with a pp who said to cut off all ties with him. I was with my ex for a very very long time and we have a child together and I can say that the only way I was really able to get over it was to just cut him out of my life (aside from him coming to pick up my son for visits) It was not until just recently that I realized ok now I can talk to him for more than a minute without feeling those old feelings. It will happen for you too but try and really put yourself first and with time things will get much better.

Post # 28
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s been awhile, so I hope you are doing better. I agree with everyone’s advice. The only other thing I have to add about your statement “I am still trying to understand why I am so upset when I called it off.

Post # 29
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I echo what the others have said here. When I broke up with my long-term boyfriend (6 years of serious dating), I thought nothing would be as hearing it was over. But then he got a new girlfriend, and that honestly hurt more than the breakup! I think his new relationship hurts you because it closes the door on you two getting back together. You might have been living with some hope to reconcile, and this makes that nearly impossible. I’m sorry, and hope you are feeling better.

Post # 30
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I have a very very similar story. We were together for 4 years, and i still love him, when we got engaged i got “cold feet” and really didnt deal with it well. a few weeks into my cold feet phase we were skyping (we were in long distance for about 6 months) and he broke up with me, saying that it wasnt a relationship for him anymore. when i look back I KNOW that i needed to panic, to go into a marriage blindly is silly… it was nothing against him, i apologised and tried to reason with him but i never heard from him again. about 1-2 months after we broke up he was with someone else, they are still together (making it about 7-8 months that they are together). my self-confidence is shattered, i cannot imagine how one day he wanted to get married and then so easily move on like that. i actually moved cities to be with him and nothing, no contact nothing. i know if we had a friendship it would be easier on me, but he wants nothing to do with me.

its harsh and it makes you wonder who will love you in the future that will accept you for all that you are, doubts, anxiety and all. i know that if he did what i did it would really upset me but i know i would forgive him because thats what couples that last do.  as long as you know that you have your integrity and you did nothing wrong, just have confidence in yourself and know that someone will love you for who you are. i wish my ex all the best tbh, hes a wonderful person and a part of me knows he doesnt deserve what i put him through, nor do i deserve how harshly he has treated me. sometimes when you bruise the male ego theres no looking back, sad reality.

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