(Closed) Still unofficial

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

I’m so confused, why are you guys planning a wedding and putting down deposits if he hasn’t proposed? 

Post # 3
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would tell him you’re putting all wedding planning on hiatus until he proposes. This is ridiculous!

Post # 5
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Is he the one paying for these deposits? If not then I’m afraid that your setting yourself up for a very expensive leading on. 

Post # 6
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

I’m trying not to be judgemental – and obviously hope for the absolute best for you – but could not personally ever see actually doing wedding planning without being engaged first. Not only does it boggle my mind completely, but it’s not fair to you at all. You deserve a proposal and time to spend basking in the joy of being a fiancée before having to jump into crunch time with wedding planning. 

Post # 7
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

If I were you I’d stop all wedding planning immediately. And I honestly hope that any money that has been put down for any of this so far was his money and not yours. Take it from me: I started actively planning a wedding with my ex before he proposed (I’d chosen a wedding planner, the wedding planner and I chose a venue for both the ceremony the reception and a date. We just started to get into the nitty gritty when my ex bought me an engagement ring (but didn’t officially propose to me, in fact he didn’t give me the ring. A week after the ring was purchased we split up. Calling of the wedding or what had been arranged by then was a huge nuisance I could have done without. 

It was a massive lesson learned for me, now I know that one step at the time is the right approach.

Post # 9
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

If you have a date and venue…you’re engaged. What’s not official about it? You don’t need a ring or even a proposal to be engaged. 

Is there a reason he still feels he needs to propose? Is there a reason he hasn’t done it yet?

If i were you i would say ‘babe, I love you. And the fact we are getting married is more important to me than a ring and a proposal. I want to share this time with my friends and family. Can we just cut this crap and tell everyone?’

Post # 10
Member
5740 posts
Bee Keeper

It doesn’t get much more official than agreeing to marry, picking a date and selecting vendors and putting money down. In cases like this I wonder what the point of the proposal is besides a photo to post on social media.

Post # 11
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

Agree that by planning the wedding you are already engaged! If it were me, an official proposal would feel redundant after we both agreed to get married. I’d go pick out a ring together and tell the family! 

Post # 12
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree that a ring and “official” proposal are not necessary to be engaged, but her SO is not wanting to tell people that they are engaged. THAT is a problem because either he does not consider himself engaged and so they shouldn’t be planning a wedding or he does consider them engaged and wants to keep her a secret. 

Post # 14
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
wannabee2019 :  this is strange. I get that he wants to wait to see parents in person to tell about the engagement but you can be engaged and wait to tell, instead of right now you aren’t officially engaged and there’s nothing to tell.

Post # 15
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

If you’re planning your wedding, you are “engaged.” 

The topic ‘Still unofficial’ is closed to new replies.

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